1.短小幽默的英语小故事

短小幽默的英语小故事1.Lady First 女士优先 A teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be mentioned first."女士优先一位老师问班上的学生：”公牛和母牛在田里“这个句子对吗？” 大多数学生回答说：“对，一点不错。”

只有一个小男孩说：“不对，应该先说女士。”2.Where is the egg?Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。

我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生。

2.短小幽默的英语小故事

短小幽默的英语小故事

1.Lady First 女士优先

A teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and

the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all

right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be

mentioned first."

女士优先

一位老师问班上的学生：”公牛和母牛在田里“这个句子对吗？” 大多数学生回答说：“对，一点不错。”

只有一个小男孩说：“不对，应该先说女士。”

2.Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.

鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？

学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。

老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？

学生：在蛋糕里，先生。

3.英语简短幽默的小故事（1分半钟）

Talking clock 会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning！" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。

“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。

“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。

突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！” 这是第一篇~ A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问："主啊， 一百万美元对你意味着多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又问："那一百万年呢？"上帝说："一秒钟."最后男子请求道："上帝，我能得到一便士吗？"上帝回答："过一秒钟." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"！ 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了，他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说："恭喜，你得了双胞胎."男人说："多奇怪呀，我是明尼苏达双子队的 经理."过了一会儿，护士过来对第二个男人说："恭喜，你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢："嗯，又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后，护士跑来对第三个男人 说："恭喜，你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说："真令人啼笑皆非，我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴，但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁，咒骂上帝 并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲，他回答道："什么不对劲？我可是在七喜公司工作呀！" 呵呵，一个比一个效率高.。

4.非常简短的英语幽默故事

来源：百度知道?device=mobile&ssid=0&from=844b&uid=0&pu=sz@1320_1001,ta@iphone_2_4.4_3_534,usm@0&bd_page_type=1&baiduid=CCAE0DB84F88E4910912958F79AD987B&tj=2Fl_1_0_10_titleBig Head“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”“Where's the shopping bag?”“I haven't got one,use your hat.”大脑袋“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”

“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”

“购物袋在哪？”“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿？ 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。

那爸爸去哪儿了呢？” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”。

5.较为简短的英文幽默小故事（初一的,不要太难）

Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ." "Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know." 为我所用 一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。

“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。 An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits. "once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed." "It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?" "You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you." While wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then two in a grave." Lawyer Jokes : A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave." __________________________________ These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. __________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. _________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. _________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. __________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. __________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. A:Nice to meet you. B:Nice to meet you,too. C:Nice to meet you,three. An Artist An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits. "once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed." "It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?" "You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you BUYING A HAT A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one. Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam. You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!" To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!" I'M NOT HAVING IT ALL CUT OFF. Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him. "Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time." "Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time." "Not all of it," said the manager at 。

6.英语幽默小故事,越短越好,急,等

Fleeing restaurant bun, found that special little meat, called the waitress to come ask: "why are there so few meat?" The waiter a pop: "give you fewer header pig?" My anger road: "what attitude?" The waiter: "a good attitude and if you go to bed?!?" I am angry about this: "I want to complain you!" The waiter a angrily: "complaints are not ready to help?!" That left them。

7.跪求一则简短幽默的英语小故事

Second language

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”

8.幽默英语小故事,尽量短一点

The Old CatAn old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."【译文】老猫一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。

一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。

于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”

A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river."He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.【译文】一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。

他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。”他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。

他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。

The City Mouse and the Country Mouseonce there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city."The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid.After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid."【译文】城里老鼠和乡下老鼠从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。

很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。 ”于是，城里老鼠就去了。

乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。

城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。”乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。

房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。

过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。

因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。

9.求一个简单的英语幽默小故事,不要太长

Tom has two apples.He ate one and ask Jim "how mang apples do I have now?".Jim answered quickly"very easy,one."But Tom said"no ,I have two .One is inside and the other is outside.汤姆有两个苹果。

他吃了一个，然后问吉姆“我现在有几个苹果？”吉姆很快的回答说“太简单了，一个嘛。”但是汤姆说“不对，我有两个。

一个在里面（肚子里）一个在外面。

10.急求一篇英语短篇幽默小故事

从这几个里选一个吧：I'm Trying to Stop It "Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？” “没有，老师。

可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。” “I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO: Teacher:We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example? John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？ 约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。