1.英语小笑话,要短一点,谢了

Barbers Barber:Did you have ketchup with your lunch,sir? Customer:No,I didn't。

Barber:In that case,I seem to have slipped with the razor。 理发师 理发师：先生，你吃中午饭时有没有加番茄酱？ 客人：没有啊。

理发师：那样的话，看来是我的剃刀滑掉了。 Worse than That "Professor,I did the best I could on this test。

I really don't think I deserve a zero。" "Neither do I。

But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give。" 更糟 "教授，这次考试我尽了全力，我真的不认为我该得零分。

" "我也不认为。可是那是我所能给的最底分了。

" Be Responsible Employer:In this job we need someone who is responsible。 Applicant:I'm the one you want。

On my last job,every time anything went wrong,they said I was reponsible。 负责任 雇主：我们需要一位负责任的人来做这份工作。

应征者：我就是你要的人。我在上一份工作时，每次只要出问题，大家都说我得负责任。

2.英文的有趣的小故事

楼上的，是that is a question吧~~~

once there lived a very exact man.One day, when he was walking in the street, an old woman came and asked him,"Excuse me, but where is the nearest bus station?" "The nearest bus station?"the man answered,"you can go across the bridge,and then turn to the right,you will find the station is on your left." "And is the bridge long?" "Very,thirty meters." The old woman thanked him,and went towards the bridge.Suddenly she heard someone running after her."Stop!"the man was shouting"I just remembered,the bridge is forty meters long,if you go thirty metres and turn to the right,as I told you to do,you will fall in to the river!"

这是一个最简单的小故事了~~

3.英语小故事,小笑话

A Barber's Joke There are some boys who think they are already men and go to the barber's to be shaved. once a boy came into a barbershop and ask the barber to shave him.The barber asked him to sit down and soaped his face.Then he left the boy alone,He stood at the door laughing and talking with another barber.The young gentleman waitde for some minutes and then shouted,'Why are you leaving me here all these time?' The barber replied,'I am waiting until your beard grows.'。

4.求英文搞笑小故事

I'm Trying to Stop It "Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？” “没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。” “I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。” TWO: Teacher:We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example? John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？ 约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。 The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?" "I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.". 教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？” “我来试试看，”一位老太太说。 “该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。” 更多的点这个链接

5.我想要一些英语幽默的小故事

中式英语： 昨天来了个老外，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就 面带微笑的： 前台小姐：“hello？” 老外：“hi.” 前台小姐：“you have what thing？” 老外：“can you speak English？ ” 前台小姐：“if I not speak English, I am speaking what？” 老外：“can anybody else speak English？ ” 前台小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing, no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.” 老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak English？” 前台小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.” 老外：“I want to speak to your head.” 前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”。

6.英语幽默小故事带翻译

小编提示：为了让网友们查看以下的幽默小故事，特地奉上了中文翻译..希望网友们看的开心！..1.Difference"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."区 别“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。

“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”

2.Flunking MathMy son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student."Mom," he said excitely, "I have found the answer to surviving college! It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life. I'm lucky to be h。小编提示：为了让网友们查看以下的幽默小故事，特地奉上了中文翻译..希望网友们看的开心！..1.Difference"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."区 别“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。

“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”

2.Flunking MathMy son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student."Mom," he said excitely, "I have found the answer to surviving college! It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life. I'm lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!""And just what does this mean?" I asked."I'm flunking math," he replied.数学没及格我儿子是印第安那市曼西尔波州立大学的学生，大学一年级就上了系主任的名单。第二年他学心理学，刚几个星期他就给家里打了个电话。

“妈妈，”他激动地说：“我找到了如何在大学里生存下去的答案！重要的不是分数，而是具备将学到的知识应用于日常生活的素质。我很幸运地有了这种奇妙的经历。”

“你到底是什么意思？”我问道。“我数学没及格。”

他回答说。查看更多中文版的英文幽默故事。

7.英语简单的幽默故事

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?" or。

once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days work" he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?" "Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence - - an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore." The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing, and hammering. about sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge -- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work handrails and all -- and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched. "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. "No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother. "I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more bridges to build."。

8.英文带翻译（幽默故事）简短

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."

"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用

一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

9.英语笑话或短故事

The Rain

A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard. They did not have their umbrella with them, and there was nowhere to hide from the rain, so they were soon very wet, and the small boy did not feel very happy.

For a long time while they were walking home through the rain, the boy was thinking. Then at last he turned to his father and said to him,“Why does it rain, Father? It isn't very nice, is it?”

“No, it isn't very nice, but it's very useful,Tom,”answered his father.“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us, and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep.”

Tom thought about this for a few seconds, and then he said,“Then,why does it rain on the road too, Father?”

下雨

一个小男孩和他的父亲正在乡间行走，突然下起了大雨。

他们没带伞，加上四下无处可以躲雨，所以很快他们浑身上下被淋湿了，小男孩感到很不好受。

他们在雨中朝家走去，有好一会儿，那个男孩一直在思索着什么。后来终于他朝父亲转过脸去，问他说：“爸爸，为什么天会下雨呢？下雨可不太好，是吧？”

“是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的地方，汤姆。”父亲回答说。“老天爷下雨促使了为我们所食用的水果和蔬菜的生长，同样也促使牛羊所吃的青草的生长。”

汤姆对父亲的这番话想了一会，然后说：“那么，父亲，老天爷为什么还要把雨下在路上呢？”