1.英语小笑话,越简单越好

Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告诉 （2） nest n.窝；巢 （3） description n.描述 （4） encourage v.鼓励 （5） resemble v. 相似；类似 18.鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”

那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 （2） Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。

句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。

接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。

我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” 英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。

但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn？ 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。

Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。

你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。

虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家。

2.英文短小笑话少于五十字

A man goes to chuGod says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a rch and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问："主啊， 一百万美元对你意味着多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又问："那一百万年呢？"上帝说："一秒钟."最后男子请求道："上帝，我能得到一便士吗？"上帝回答："过一秒钟."。

3.求一篇英文短篇笑话

Mr Johnson had never been up in an airplane before and he had read a lot about airplane accidents.So one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small plane,Mr J was very worried about acceptong.Finally,his friend persuaded him that it was very safe,and Mr J boarded the plane. His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of airport.Mr J had heard that the most dangerous parts of flight were the take-off and the landing,so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes. After a minute or two he opened them again,looked out of the window of the plane,and said to his friend,"look at those people down there.They look as small as ants,don't they?" "Those are ants,"answeredhis friend."we're still on the ground."

约翰逊先生之前从未坐过飞机，又读了大量飞机失事的报道，所以有一天当朋友请他坐自己的小飞机时他非常害怕，后来朋友劝他说飞行是很安全的，他才登机。朋友发动飞机引擎，飞机在跑道上滑行。约翰逊听说在飞机起飞和降落时是最危险的，所以非常害怕，紧闭双眼。过了一会他睁开眼往外看，对朋友说：“你看下面那些人，他们看起来就像蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”“那些就是蚂蚁，”朋友说，“我们还在地面上。”

4.求一些短小的英文笑话

1. we two who and who?

咱俩谁跟谁阿

2. how are you ? how old are you?

怎么是你，怎么老是你？

3. you don't bird me,I don't bird you

你不鸟我，我也不鸟你

4. you have seed I will give you some color to see

see,brothers!together up !

你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！

5. hello everybody!if you have something to say,they

say! if you have nothing to say,go home!!

有事起奏，无事退朝

6. you me you me

彼此彼此

7. You Give Me Stop!!

你给我站住！

8. know is know noknow is noknow

知之为知之，不知为不知…

9. WATCH SISTER

表妹

10.dragon born dragon,chicken

born chicken,mouse's sons can

make hole!!

龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！

11.American Chinese not enough

美中不足

12.one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people

die

车祸现场描述

13.heart flower angry open

心花怒放

14.go past no mistake past

走过路过，不要错过

15.小明：I am sorry!

老外：I am sorry too!

小明：I am sorry three!

老外：What are you sorry for?

小明：I am sorry five!

16.If you want money,I have no; if you want life,I

have one!

要钱没有，要命一条

17.I call Li old big. toyear 25.

我叫李老大，今年25。

18.you have two down son。

你有两下子。

19.as far as you go to die

有多远，死多远！！！！

20.I give you face you don''t wanna face,you lose you

face ,I turn my face

给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸

5.求一篇超简单的英语短笑话

在英语笑话网里给你找了一下，这个好像符合你的要求：简短+简单

可以吗？实在不行，你进去看看，里面很多

I'm Trying to Stop It 左耳朵进右耳朵出

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to stop it."

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

6.一篇短篇英语笑话

1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。

" DID YOUR DAD。 2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道："我受不了你这个苯蛋了！" 吉姆说："你妈妈能！" 附：bear 有两重意思："生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道："我受不了你这个苯蛋了！" 吉姆说："你妈妈能！" 附：bear 有两重意思："生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问："主啊， 一百万美元对你意味着多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又问："那一百万年呢？"上帝说："一秒钟."最后男子请求道："上帝，我能得到一便士吗？"上帝回答："过一秒钟." 5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。

汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”

6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing！ 开车 父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。 苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。

7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “You'er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”

他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。

可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I'd know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。

他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”

9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

7.求几则英语短篇笑话.

第一则：心目中的英雄Personal Hero Our granddaughter's second-grade class was asked to write about their personal heroes. Her father was flattered to find out that she had chosen him. "Why did you pick me?" he asked. "Because I couldn't spell Arnold Schwarzenegger," she said. 我们的孙女儿读二年级，老师要求班上的同学写他们心目中的英雄。

她的爸爸发现她选择了他，真是受宠若惊。“你为什么选我呢？”他问。

“因为我不会拼阿诺得.施瓦辛格（Arnold Schwarzenegger），“她说。 第二则：一个数学问题A Problem in Arithmetic Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily. One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store. "How much are the apples?" he asked the store. "Six for five cents." "But I don't want six apples." "How many apples do you want?" "It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic." "What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man. "Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you." Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word. 比尔是一个好学生，也是个聪明的孩子。

他喜欢学数学，课本上所有的数学问题他都能不费劲地解答。 有一天，在上学路上，比尔经过一家水果店。

该店窗户上有个招牌上写着：“苹果--五美分六个。”比尔脑筋一转，进了店门。

“苹果怎么卖？” “五美分六个。” “但我不想要六个。”

“你想要几个？” “这不是我想要几个的问题。这是个数学问题。”

“数学问题？你说这话是什么意思？” “你看，如果六个苹果五美分，那么五个苹果四美分，四个苹果三美分，三个苹果二美分，二个苹果一美分，一个苹果就不要钱。我只要一个苹果，如果一个苹果一分钱也不要的话，那我也就没必要给你钱了。”

比尔拣了一个好苹果，开始吃了起来，然后兴高采烈地迈出了店门。那个售货员吃惊地望着这个小男孩，一句话也说不出来。

/mid 参考资料：竞学网中学生英语频道。

8.英语短笑话

一）小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet？ 老师说：Go ahead。

小明就坐了下来。 过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet？ 老师说：Go ahead。

小明又坐了下来。 他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！ （二）一对热恋中的男女。

女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“ SAY I LOVEYOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT！” 男的答道：“I T！” （三）一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。 在考试时因为过于紧张， 看到地上标线是向左转。

他不放心的问道：turn left？ 监考官回答：right。于是他立刻向右转…… （四）某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。

一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry。 老外应道：I am sorry too。

某人听后又道：I am sorry three。 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for？ 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five。