1.求幽默英语小故事（中英对照）

I'm Trying to Stop It

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

Pulling Tooth

“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty dollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

Evolution

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"

"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".

教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。

“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

I'm Trying to Stop It

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

2.英语幽默故事,要中英对照,简单易背,但稍微长点

Lucky Mother A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well. Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam. Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now？" 幸运的母亲 一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。

有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。

她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。 母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，“露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”

露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？” this alligator isn't wearing any shoes either A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either！" 这只鳄鱼也没穿鞋 一个年轻的金发女郎在路易斯安那州的深处旅行。有些道路很糟糕，因此她想要双真正的鳄鱼皮鞋，可是又不愿付出当地卖主开出的高价。

最后，一店主“恕不还价”的态度使她非常沮丧，于是大声嚷道：“也许我该出去亲自抓一只鳄鱼，这样我就能以合理的价格得到一双鳄鱼鞋。” 店主说：“请便吧，朋友。

也许你很走运，会弄到一双大的。” 女郎咬咬牙，转身向沼泽地走去，准备亲手抓只鳄鱼。

当天下午，在开车回家的路上，店主看到一个年轻妇女手提猎枪，站在齐腰的水中，这时，他看到一个巨大的9英尺长的鳄鱼向她快速游去。 她举起手，杀死了鳄鱼，费了很大的力气把它拖到岸边。

附近还有另外几只死鳄鱼。 店主惊奇地看着。

这时，女郎抽打着鳄鱼的后背，失望地叫喊道：“真该死！这只鳄鱼也没有穿鞋。”。

3.英语小故事（中英文对照）短一些的`

Liuxiang（刘翔）-the flying man in the world!

Liuxiang made a perfect fly in the olympic games in 2004, and won not only the gold metal but also the respect in the world!

His fly knocked all the suspicions and discriminations down completely!

"It is so perfect! I never expect to run so fast! Oh it is a dream to me, and it seems I am still in a dream!", he said!

But it is just true, and it is himself who made the dream into truth!

Xiuxiang, our hero, has been regarded as a flying man all of the world!

刘翔-世界飞人

刘翔在2004年的奥林匹克运动会上完美的冲刺，不仅赢得了金牌，而且赢得了世界的尊重。

他的飞翔打破了所有的怀疑和所有的种族歧视.

”太完美了.我从来没想到跑这末快.哦，对我来说就像做梦，看起来我好像还在梦中。“他说到。

但这是真的。是他自己使得美梦成真。

4.英语幽默故事,要中英对照,简单易背,但稍微长点

Lucky Mother A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well. Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam. Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now？" 幸运的母亲 一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。

有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。

她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。 母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，“露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”

露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？” this alligator isn't wearing any shoes eitherA young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either！" 这只鳄鱼也没穿鞋一个年轻的金发女郎在路易斯安那州的深处旅行。有些道路很糟糕，因此她想要双真正的鳄鱼皮鞋，可是又不愿付出当地卖主开出的高价。

最后，一店主“恕不还价”的态度使她非常沮丧，于是大声嚷道：“也许我该出去亲自抓一只鳄鱼，这样我就能以合理的价格得到一双鳄鱼鞋。” 店主说：“请便吧，朋友。

也许你很走运，会弄到一双大的。” 女郎咬咬牙，转身向沼泽地走去，准备亲手抓只鳄鱼。

当天下午，在开车回家的路上，店主看到一个年轻妇女手提猎枪，站在齐腰的水中，这时，他看到一个巨大的9英尺长的鳄鱼向她快速游去。 她举起手，杀死了鳄鱼，费了很大的力气把它拖到岸边。

附近还有另外几只死鳄鱼。 店主惊奇地看着。

这时，女郎抽打着鳄鱼的后背，失望地叫喊道：“真该死！这只鳄鱼也没有穿鞋。”。

5.英文带翻译（幽默故事）简短

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."

"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用

一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

6.简单的幽默英语小故事带翻译

There is a "Magic Fountain" in the small mountain village, where there is an old legend, all the young men and women who drink "Magic Fountain" on New Year's Eve, will marry one of the most ugly in second years or marry one of the most ugly husband.The village has three best friends, has not taken a wife, because his family was poor, they decided to take the plunge and even marry one of the ugliest wife, than to fight a lifetime bachelor strong.So on New Year's Eve, the three friends meet came to Yuquan next, the first and second male youth are not hesitate to drink the spring water, the third have secretly put the springs spit.The second year, drinking fountain of the two young men, married to a very ugly wife, and the springs spit out of the third man is married to the most beautiful girl in the village to do a wife. Two marry the ugly wife young men very puzzled and asked the luck of friends, friends and also very puzzled, he only knew he did not drink spring water, but do not know why they will have good luck.Finally, on the wedding night, his wife told him the answer: really bad luck! It is not because I stole the water last year on the eve of the new year's eve!!There is a "Magic Fountain" in the small mountain village, where there is an old legend, all the young men and women who drink "Magic Fountain" on New Year's Eve, will marry one of the most ugly in second years or marry one of the most ugly husband.The village has three best friends, has not taken a wife, because his family was poor, they decided to take the plunge and even marry one of the ugliest wife, than to fight a lifetime bachelor strong.So on New Year's Eve, the three friends meet came to Yuquan next, the first and second male youth are not hesitate to drink the spring water, the third have secretly put the springs spit.The second year, drinking fountain of the two young men, married to a very ugly wife, and the springs spit out of the third man is married to the most beautiful girl in the village to do a wife. Two marry the ugly wife young men very puzzled and asked the luck of friends, friends and also very puzzled, he only knew he did not drink spring water, but do not know why they will have good luck.Finally, on the wedding night, his wife told him the answer: really bad luck! It is not because I stole the water last year on the eve of the new year's eve！！小山村里面有一个“魔泉”。

这里有一个古老的传说，凡是在除夕之夜喝了“魔泉”的青年未婚男女，将在第二年娶一个最丑陋的妻子或嫁给一个最丑陋的丈夫。从来没有人敢试一下。

村里有三个最好的朋友，都还没有娶妻，因为家里太穷了，他们决定冒险一试，即使娶一个最丑的妻子，也比打一辈子光棍强。于是在除夕夜，三个朋友相约来到“玉泉”旁，第一个和第二个男青年都毫不犹豫的喝下了泉水，第三个却偷偷地把泉水吐掉了。

第二年，喝下泉水的两个男青年各娶到了一个非常丑陋的妻子，而把泉水吐掉的第三个小伙子却娶到了全村最漂亮的姑娘做妻子。两个娶到丑陋妻子的男青年非常不解地问那个好运的朋友，朋友也十分不解，他只知道自己没喝泉水，却不知道自己为何会交上好运。

终于，在新婚之夜，妻子告诉了他答案：真倒霉！还不是因为我在去年除夕偷喝了那可恶的水！。

7.一个很短的英语故事

我推荐一个story day by day A teacher was always so involved in the text being studied that he never looked up 。

He would call on a student for translation and explanation, and-without realizing it-he often chose the same student day after day。 Out of respect, the student wouldn't point this out to him。

After being called on four days in a row, a student named Goldberg asked advice from his friends。 The next day when the teacher said "Goldberg, translate and explain," Goldberg replied, "Goldberg is absent today 。

" "All right," said the teacher。 "YOU translate and explain。

8.英语小笑话、故事,带翻译,简短,一分钟左右能说完的

One or Two

Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish.

Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two.

顾客：服务员，我盘子里怎么只有一块肉？

服务员：先生，请稍候，我去把它切成两块。

Father and Son

Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

儿子：爸爸，听说在非洲的一些地方男人在结婚前根本不认识他的妻子。

父亲：孩子，实际上所有的国家都是这样的。

It depends

Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?

Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.

旅行者：我还能赶上3点钟那班到多伦多的火车吗？

售票员：那得看你跑得有多快。火车15分钟前开出。

To be on the Safe Side

In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer（门厅，大厅） . A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?

Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all.

Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row.

在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：

对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗？

是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。

噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。

9.给我一点中英文对照的小故事,短一点了,要经典一点的

One day,a little monkey is playing by the well.一天，有只小猴子在井边玩儿。

He looks in the well and shouts ：它往井里一瞧，高喊道：“Oh!My god!The moon has fallen into the well！”“噢！我的天！月亮掉到井里头啦！”An older monkeys runs over, takes a look,and says，一只大猴子跑来一看，说，“Goodness me!The moon is really in the water！”“糟啦！月亮掉在井里头啦！”And olderly monkey comes over.老猴子也跑过来。He is very surprised as well and cries out：他也非常惊奇，喊道：“The moon is in the well.”“糟了，月亮掉在井里头了！”A group of monkeys run over to the well .一群猴子跑到井边来，They look at the moon in the well and shout：他们看到井里的月亮，喊道：“The moon did fall into the well!Come on!Let'get it out！”“月亮掉在井里头啦！快来！让我们把它捞起来！”Then,the oldest monkey hangs on the tree up side down ,with his feet on the branch .然后，老猴子倒挂在大树上，And he pulls the next monkey's feet with his hands.拉住大猴子的脚，All the other monkeys follow his suit，其他的猴子一个个跟着，And they join each other one by one down to the moon in the well.它们一只连着一只直到井里。

Just before they reach the moon,the oldest monkey raises his head and happens to see the moon in the sky，正好他们摸到月亮的时候，老猴子抬头发现月亮挂在天上呢He yells excitedly “Don't be so foolish!The moon is still in the sky！”它兴奋地大叫：“别蠢了！月亮还好好地挂在天上呢！”I'm Trying to Stop It"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?""No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”“Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”“Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”TWO: Teacher:We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example?John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short.老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。

现在，谁给我举个例子？约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

10.求一篇3分钟左右的英文小故事（小说也可）.最好有中英对照的,简单

The Fox and the Horse Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm A peasant had a faithful horse which had grown old and could do no more work, so his master no longer wanted to give him anything to eat and said, "I can certainly make no more use of you, but still I mean well by you, and if you prove yourself still strong enough to bring me a lion here, I will maintain you。

But for now get out of my stable。" And with that he chased him into the open field。

The horse was sad, and went to the forest to seek a little protection there from the weather。 There the fox met him and said, "Why do you hang your head so, and go about all alone?" "Alas," replied the horse, "greed and loyalty do not dwell together in one house。

My master has forgotten what services I have performed for him for so many years, and because I can no longer plow well, he will give me no more food, and has driven me out。 " "Without giving you a chance?" asked the fox。

"The chance was a bad one。 He said, if I were still strong enough to bring him a lion, he would keep me, but he well knows that I cannot do that。

" The fox said, "I will help you。 Just lie down, stretch out as if you were dead, and do not stir。

" The horse did what the fox asked, and then the fox went to the lion, who had his den not far off, and said, "A dead horse is lying out there。 Just come with me, and you can have a rich meal。

" The lion went with him, and when they were both standing by the horse the fox said, "After all, it is not very comfortable for you here —— I tell you what —— I will fasten it to you by the tail, and then you can drag it into your cave and eat it in peace。 " This advice pleased the lion。

He positioned himself, and in order that the fox might tie the horse fast to him, he kept completely quiet。 But the fox tied the lion's legs together with the horse's tail, and twisted and fastened everything so well and so strongly that no amount of strength could pull it loose。

When he had finished his work, he tapped the horse on the shoulder and said, "Pull, white horse, pull!" Then up sprang the horse at once, and pulled the lion away with him。 The lion began to roar so that all the birds in the forest flew up in terror, but the horse let him roar, and drew him and dragged him across the field to his master's door。

When the master saw the lion, he was of a better mind, and said to the horse, "You shall stay with me and fare well。" And he gave him plenty to eat until he died。

一个农夫有一匹勤勤恳恳、任劳任怨为他干活的马，但这匹马现在已经老了，干活也不行了，所以，农夫不想再给马吃东西。他对马说：“我再也用不着你了，你自己离开马厩走吧，到你比一头狮子更强壮时，我自然会把你牵回来的。”

说完，他打开门，让马自己去谋生去了。 这匹可怜的马非常悲哀，它在森林里茫无目标地到处徘徊，寒风夹着细雨，更增加了它的痛楚，它想寻找一个小小的避雨处。

不久，它遇到了一只狐狸，狐狸问它：“我的好朋友，你怎么了？为甚么垂头丧气，一副孤苦伶仃、愁眉苦脸的样子呢？”马叹了一口气回答说：“哎——！公正和吝啬不能住在一间房子里。 我的主人完全忘了我这许多年为他辛辛苦苦所干的一切，因为我不能再干活了，他就把我赶了出来，说除非我变得比一头狮子更强壮，他才会重新收留我。

我有这样的能力吗？其实，主人是知道我没有这样的能力的，要不然，他也不会这样说了。” 狐狸听了之后，要它别愁了，只管放心，说道：“我来帮助你，你躺在那儿，把身子伸直，装做死了的样子，我自有办法。

”马按狐狸的吩咐做了。狐狸跑到狮子住的洞口边，对狮子说：“狮子大王，有条小路上躺着一匹死马，我们一同去，你可以作一顿很不错的午餐来享受哩。”

狮子听了非常高兴，立即就动身了。 它们来到马躺的地方，狐狸说：“在这儿你吃不完它，我告诉你怎么办：先让我把它的尾巴牢牢地绑在你的身上，然后你就能够将它拖回你的洞穴去慢慢地享用了。

”狮子对这个建议很欣赏。於是它一动不动地躺下来，让狐狸把它绑在马背上。

但狐狸却设法将它的腿捆在一起，用最大的力气把狮子牢牢地捆作一团，狮子没法挣脱束缚了。 一切料理完毕，狐狸拍了拍马的肩背说道：“起来吧！老马头，你可以走了！”那匹马跳起来，把狮子拖在尾巴后面离开了。

狮子知道上了狐狸的当，开始咆哮吼叫起来，巨大的吼声把树上所有的鸟儿都吓得飞走了。但老马随便它怎么叫，只管自己慢慢悠悠地走过田野，终於把狮子拖到了主人的屋里。

它对主人说：“主人，狮子在这儿，我把它料理妥当了。”当主人看见它的这匹老马后，对它产生了怜悯之心，说道：“你就住在马厩里吧，我会好好待你的。

”於是，这匹可怜的老马又有了吃的东西，主人一直供养它到死去。