1.关于英语的小笑话 短一点

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”

“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。

过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。

你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

2.关于英语的小笑话 最好简短 明了 最主要可笑

The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard.

it is too crowded, they shouted. who do you think you are?

I am the driver. he said.

公共汽车上很挤，当又一个人还是试图上车时，乘客们不让他上。

车上太挤了，他们喊道，你以为你是谁？

我是司机！他说。

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman siting on a bench, passionately kissing.

"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.

"Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!"

一对在公园散步的夫妇注意到坐在长凳上的那对年轻男女正在热烈地接吻。

“为什么你不能那样做呢？”妻子说。

“亲爱的，”她丈夫回答，“我又不认识那个女人！”

参考：

3.有什么简短的英语笑话

Good Intentions 良好的心愿 One day a boy came to his teacher and said:" Teacher, pa wants to know if you like roast pig。 " 一天有个男孩去对他老师说：“老师，我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。”

"I certainly do," said the teacher, "and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me。 " “当然罗，”老师说，“去告诉你父亲，多谢他想着我。”

Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig。 好几天过去了，再没提起考猪肉的事儿。

Finally the teacher said to the boy:"I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig。 " 最后老师对男孩说：“我以为你父亲要给我送点烤猪肉来呢。”

"Yes," said the boy, "he did intend to, but the pig sot well。" “是啊，”孩子说，“他是这么想的，可后来猪又没病了。

” 2 Who Shot Abraham Lincoln Mr。 Smith and his son Rick were called to teacher 's classroom。

“ Mr。 Smith, ” said the teacher, “ I asked Rick 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it! ” “ Well, teacher, ” said Smith, “ if my kid said he didn't do it — he didn't do it! ” Father and son left the school, and on their way home, Smith turned to the boy and asked, “ Tell me, son, did you do it? ”。

4.英文短笑话 最简单的 要短的 四年级

There is a family, is very rich. One day, his son to go to school, mother asked her son, go out alone in our family was very rich, his son to keep in

Heart. The Chinese class, the teacher asked the students to write an article about the family. Son: my family is poor. My mother is very poor, very poor, dad was very poor, my servant is poor, the gardener is poor, the driver is very poor, very poor。

有一户人家，很有钱。一天，儿子要去上学，妈妈叫 儿子，出去后别说咱们家很有钱，儿子牢记在

心。语文课上，老师叫同学们写一篇关于家庭的作文。 儿子写：我家很穷。我很穷，妈妈很穷，爸爸很穷，我家的仆人很穷，园丁很穷，司机很穷，保姆很穷。

5.英语短笑话

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with

the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents

more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。

“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老

太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

The Perfect Son.

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

完美儿子

A：我有一个很完美的儿子.

B：他抽烟吗？

A：不抽.

B：他喝威士忌酒吗？

A：不喝.

B：他会不会很晚回家？

A：不会.

B：我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了？

A：下个星期三就满6个月了.

6.简短的英语小笑话

A tiger caught a Deer.一只老虎抓到一头鹿

The tiger plans to eat the deer, so the deer screamed: " you can't eat me"老虎打算吃了这头鹿.鹿急忙大叫：“你不能吃我？”

The tiger hesitated, feeling very strange, so he asked the deer: " why can't i eat you？ 老虎一楞，感到很奇怪，于是问鹿：“为什么我不能吃你？”

The deer said:" Because im a protected second class animal in the country, so, no matter what you can't eat me !"

鹿说：“因为我是国家二级保护动物，所以，你无论如何也不能吃了我！”

The tiger after hearing what the deer said, laughed and said " haha, then i should really eat you !

老虎听完笑着说：“呵呵，那么我更应该要吃你了

Deer asked : " why ?"

鹿说：“为什么？”

" because im a first class protected animal in the country" Tiger proudly said

“因为我是国家一级动物！”老虎得意地说。

A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it .She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes.Frantically, she called to the father outside.

"Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes!What shall I do ?"

Yelled back the father ,"Keep feeding him nickels!"

母亲见三岁的儿子将一枚五分镍币放进嘴里吞了下去，她立刻将他抱起，头朝下不停地拍打他的后背，他咳出了两枚一角的硬币，她发狂似的朝正在外面的孩子父亲喊道：

“你儿子刚才吞下了一枚五分镍币，可咳出两枚一角的硬币！我该怎么办呢？“

孩子他爸大声回答道：“再喂他几枚五分镍币！”

Just Sew the Buttonhole

Husband: Did you sew the button on my shirt, darling?

Wife: No, dear. I couldn't find the button, so I just sewed up the buttonhole.

丈夫：你给我把扣子缝好了吗，亲爱的？

妻子：没有，亲爱的。我找不到扣子，所以我只把扣眼儿给缝上了。

7.简短的英语小笑话

塞翁失马 焉知非福 （Blessing or Bane）

once upon a time, there was a man named Saiweng. He lived near China's northern borders. His

horse went into the land of northern people. His neighbors all felt sorry for him. "Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said Saiweng.

After a few months, his horse came back with another fine horse from the north. Everyone congratulated him.

"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a bad luck," said Saiweng.

Before long, his son became fond of riding. One day he fell from a horse and broke his leg. Again, his neighbors all felt sorry for him.

"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said Saiweng.

One year later, the northern people started a war along the border. All the strong young men took up arms and fought against the invaders. Most of them died. But Saiweng's son did not join in the fighting because he was lame so both of them survived.

很久以前，有个人叫塞翁。他住在北部边疆。塞翁养的马跑进了北边民族的地盘。他的邻居们都为他感到难过。

“也许这会是件好事呢！”塞翁说。

几个月后，塞翁的马自己跑回了家，还带了一匹好马回来。人们都去向他道贺。

塞翁却说：“也许这不是什么好事呢！”

没多久，塞翁的儿子就喜欢上了骑马，一天他从马上掉了下来，摔断了腿。邻居们都替塞翁难过。

“也许这会是件好事呢！”塞翁却说。

一年后，北方的民族大举入侵，年青人都被征集参军去打仗。死了很多人。塞翁的儿子却因为摔断了腿不能去当兵，从而保住了性命。

8.最简单的英语笑话

my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

9.英语小笑话,要短一点,谢了

Barbers Barber:Did you have ketchup with your lunch,sir? Customer:No,I didn't。

Barber:In that case,I seem to have slipped with the razor。 理发师 理发师：先生，你吃中午饭时有没有加番茄酱？ 客人：没有啊。

理发师：那样的话，看来是我的剃刀滑掉了。 Worse than That "Professor,I did the best I could on this test。

I really don't think I deserve a zero。" "Neither do I。

But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give。" 更糟 "教授，这次考试我尽了全力，我真的不认为我该得零分。

" "我也不认为。可是那是我所能给的最底分了。

" Be Responsible Employer:In this job we need someone who is responsible。 Applicant:I'm the one you want。

On my last job,every time anything went wrong,they said I was reponsible。 负责任 雇主：我们需要一位负责任的人来做这份工作。

应征者：我就是你要的人。我在上一份工作时，每次只要出问题，大家都说我得负责任。

10.英语短笑话

The Perfect Son. A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday. 完美儿子 A：我有一个很完美的儿子. B：他抽烟吗？ A：不抽. B：他喝威士忌酒吗？ A：不喝. B：他会不会很晚回家？ A：不会. B：我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了？ A：下个星期三就满6个月了. Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue！ "我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " .鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”

那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes. The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman." "Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?" "They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once. "Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.". 迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。

不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。” 迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？” 他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”

I'm Trying to Stop It "Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？” “没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if。