1.较短的英语故事

The dog and the fox Some dogs found the skin of a lion and began to tear it to piece with their teeth.A fox seeing them,said:"If this lion were alive,you would soon find out that his claws were stronger than you teeth!" It is easy to kick a man that is down. 够短吗？ 很简单了```````。

2.英语小笑话,要短一点,谢了

Barbers Barber:Did you have ketchup with your lunch,sir? Customer:No,I didn't。

Barber:In that case,I seem to have slipped with the razor。 理发师 理发师：先生，你吃中午饭时有没有加番茄酱？ 客人：没有啊。

理发师：那样的话，看来是我的剃刀滑掉了。 Worse than That "Professor,I did the best I could on this test。

I really don't think I deserve a zero。" "Neither do I。

But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give。" 更糟 "教授，这次考试我尽了全力，我真的不认为我该得零分。

" "我也不认为。可是那是我所能给的最底分了。

" Be Responsible Employer:In this job we need someone who is responsible。 Applicant:I'm the one you want。

On my last job,every time anything went wrong,they said I was reponsible。 负责任 雇主：我们需要一位负责任的人来做这份工作。

应征者：我就是你要的人。我在上一份工作时，每次只要出问题，大家都说我得负责任。

3.简单英文小笑话故事

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".老师：为什么你每天早晨都迟到？汤姆：每当我经过学校的拐角处，僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen .""Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know." 为我所用 一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。

“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。回答者：277128012 - 大魔法师 八级 9-15 20:58 there are 3 old friend gathering around together first said:"windy , isn't it ?" second one replied:"no , it's thursday." third said:"yeah! me too , let go and have some tea" 第一个说windy，但第二个听成了wednesday，所以他说了今天是thursday，第三个却把thursday听成了thirsty，所以他说yeah! me too , let go and have some tea 回答者：LAFSjonas - 试用期 一级 9-15 21:09 这个笑话挺好笑的.生字应该不多.你自己也学查查字典.（我说个大意噢：一位伊利若州男子离开 冰天雪地的芝加哥到佛罗 里达州度假.他的妻子正在外地公干，准备到时候在佛州会合.该男子到了佛州，驻进酒店，就急忙给他妻子发电子邮件.但是他将太太的网址打错一个字母，结果这封邮件发到了一位牧师太太手里，她的丈夫前一天刚过世，她为此在伤心欲绝.当她打开这封错发来的邮件时，惨叫一声，两腿一蹬，死了.邮件是这样写的：亲爱的，我刚来报到.正准备迎接你明天的到来.爱你的夫君 对了，这下面真的好热唉.（Illinois是美国东部一个州.冬天很冷.Florida在美国南部，一年气候都比较热. ） A BIG E-mail Mistake 一封致命的邮件 An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:Dearest Wife,Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.Your Loving Husband.P.S. Sure is hot down here.双关语：1热：佛州天气，2.炼狱 down :1.佛州（美国南方，在地图下方）2.地狱。

4.英语小笑话、故事,带翻译,简短,一分钟左右能说完的

One or Two

Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish.

Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two.

顾客：服务员，我盘子里怎么只有一块肉？

服务员：先生，请稍候，我去把它切成两块。

Father and Son

Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

儿子：爸爸，听说在非洲的一些地方男人在结婚前根本不认识他的妻子。

父亲：孩子，实际上所有的国家都是这样的。

It depends

Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?

Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.

旅行者：我还能赶上3点钟那班到多伦多的火车吗？

售票员：那得看你跑得有多快。火车15分钟前开出。

To be on the Safe Side

In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer（门厅，大厅） . A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?

Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all.

Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row.

在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：

对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗？

是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。

噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。

5.有没有简单点的英语小故事啊

A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad。

"Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?" "Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday。 " "Well done。

Who was that?" "My granny。" "Good boy。

Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad。" "Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours。

Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'！" 一个主日学校校（基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想， 在星期天开办的儿童班）的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。 “现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？” “我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”

“做得好，是谁呢？” “我奶奶。” “好孩子。

现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。” “是这样的，老师。

我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。 然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。

’她说：‘啊，我很高兴。

6.较为简短的英文幽默小故事（初一的,不要太难）

Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ." "Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know." 为我所用 一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。

“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。 An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits. "once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed." "It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?" "You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you." While wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then two in a grave." Lawyer Jokes : A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave." __________________________________ These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. __________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. _________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. _________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. __________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. __________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. A:Nice to meet you. B:Nice to meet you,too. C:Nice to meet you,three. An Artist An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits. "once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed." "It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?" "You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you BUYING A HAT A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one. Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam. You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!" To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!" I'M NOT HAVING IT ALL CUT OFF. Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him. "Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time." "Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time." "Not all of it," said the man。

7.非常简短的英语幽默故事

来源：百度知道?device=mobile&ssid=0&from=844b&uid=0&pu=sz@1320_1001,ta@iphone_2_4.4_3_534,usm@0&bd_page_type=1&baiduid=CCAE0DB84F88E4910912958F79AD987B&tj=2Fl_1_0_10_titleBig Head“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”“Where's the shopping bag?”“I haven't got one,use your hat.”大脑袋“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”

“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”

“购物袋在哪？”“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿？ 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。

那爸爸去哪儿了呢？” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”。