1.简短的,带翻译的英语笑话

A Good BoyLittle Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”“她是个卖糖果的。”

Nest and HairMy sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom."What kind of bird?" my sister asked."I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child."Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her ."Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "Notes:(1) inform v.告诉（2） nest n.窝；巢（3） description n.描述（4） encourage v.鼓励（5） resemble v. 相似；类似18.鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”

那孩子回答说。“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”I've Just Bitten My Tongue"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother."Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?""Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "Notes:(1) poisonous adj.有毒的（2） Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。

句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。我刚咬破自己的舌头“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”A Woman Who FellIt was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？"摔倒的女人上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。

接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。

我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” 英语笑话（一）Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。

但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?A: By treading on his corn？如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。

Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。

你说呢？Q: What do people do in a clock factory?A: They make faces all day.一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?A: Keep him awake.怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。

虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。英语笑话（二）He is really somebody-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话（三）Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜。

2.简短的英语笑话带翻译

Feel Unhappy.心里难受

Son: Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy?

Father: Of cause, it is.

Son: Fine, now I am feeling so bad. I lost in two subjects this time.

Father(angrily): What? You------

儿子：是不是当心里难受时，就不应该再给他精神或肉体上的刺激？

父亲：那当然！

儿子：那好，这次我有两门功课不及格，我现在心里很难受。

父亲（气愤地）：什么？你……

It's not that. 不是那样的。

A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.

B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.

A: No, it wasn't raining.

A：我看见7个女孩共撑一把伞却没有一个被淋湿。

B：啊？那一定是把很大的伞吧！

A：不是，当时并没有下雨。

Compare other things？比一下其他？

Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon's name signed.

Mom: You just care about this? Haven't you compared other things?

Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.

儿子：妈妈，John有双乔丹签名的球鞋。

妈妈：你只关心这个吗？不会比一下其它东西？

儿子：有啊，他妈妈比你漂亮。

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,

3.英语小笑话带翻译

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"。

4.英语小笑话,带翻译

(3) .Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?

Jack: Certainly.

Tom: And why?

Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.

汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？

杰克：当然应该了。

汤姆：为什么？

杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。

(4) An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?'

'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.' The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.' 'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.'

'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'

一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。

她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”

“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。”

店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”

“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”

(5)Mr. Johnson: Are you using you mower this afternoon?

Mr.Smith: Yes.

Mr.Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it?

约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗？

史密斯先生：是的。

约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗？

(6)Mr. Johnson: Are you using you mower this afternoon?

Mr.Smith: Yes.

Mr.Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it?

约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗？

史密斯先生：是的。

约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗？

5.英语小笑话、故事,带翻译,简短,一分钟左右能说完的

One or Two

Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish.

Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll cut it in two.

顾客：服务员，我盘子里怎么只有一块肉？

服务员：先生，请稍候，我去把它切成两块。

Father and Son

Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

儿子：爸爸，听说在非洲的一些地方男人在结婚前根本不认识他的妻子。

父亲：孩子，实际上所有的国家都是这样的。

It depends

Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?

Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.

旅行者：我还能赶上3点钟那班到多伦多的火车吗？

售票员：那得看你跑得有多快。火车15分钟前开出。

To be on the Safe Side

In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer（门厅，大厅） . A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?

Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all.

Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row.

在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：

对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗？

是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。

噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。

6.超简短 英语笑话带翻译

你好！

Snorer

瞌睡者

The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.

牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。

As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”

Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”

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7.英语笑话带翻译,简短些,最好三至四句话

Teacher老师

Which three words are used most in English

class?

哪三个词在英语课堂上使用最多？

Student 学生

I don't know,Sir.

我不知道，老师。

Teacher

Very good! Sit down please.

非常好！请坐下。

注，答案恰好就是——I don't know.

8.英语小笑话带翻译,简短一点

一）

迪尼斯之旅（中英）

On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted us wholeheartedly to the attraction. After three exhausting days,we headed for home.

佛罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游，我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。筋疲力尽地玩了三天之后，我们要回家了。

As we drove away, our son waved and said : "good bye,Mickey.”

当我们驱车离开时，儿子挥着手说道：“再见，米奇！”

Our daughter waved and said, "goodbye, Minnie.”

女儿挥着手说道：“再见，美妮。”

My husband waved, rather weakly,and said : "goodbye , money.”

丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手，说道：“再见，美元。”

（二）

生财有道（中英）

Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”

母亲决定尽可能地减少家务开支，于是她自己洗衣服，而不把衣服送到干洗店去干洗了。母亲很得意自己的节约之道，对父亲自夸道：“弗雷德，你想想，我们又增加了五块钱的积累，因为我自己动手洗的这些衣服。”

"Good,”my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!”

“好啊！”我父亲立即答道：“那就再洗一遍。”

9.英语简短小笑话,带翻译

I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。

售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

“没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。” The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可怜的丈夫 “你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”

Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿？ 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。

那爸爸去哪儿了呢？” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。” Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too？" 狗也知道这个谚语吗？ 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？” 一 Can we have our teacher back? once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back？" 能让我们的老师回去吗？ 有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。

一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 谁更有礼貌？ 一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。

瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。

三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。

但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了 （望采纳）。