1.求一个简单的英语短笑话

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000." "No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head. 一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。

发型师问：“有什么可以帮你吗？”那个人解释说：“我本来要去做头发移植，但实在太疼了。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样，而且没有任何痛苦，我将付给你5000美元。”

“没问题，”发型师说，然后他很快帮自己剃了个光头。

2.求一篇简短的英语笑话

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

3.求一个简短的英语笑话

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."

年轻的妈妈说：“医生，我孩子吞下一颗子弹，我该怎么办？”

医生说：“不要让他指着任何人。”

Notes

1. to swallow a bullet： 吞下一颗子弹

2. to point at： 对。瞄准

How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”

4.急求一个简短一点的英语小笑话好背的

The little boy asked his father: "do not do better than his father's son that much?" Daddy replied: "Of course!" "Who invented the electric light?" "Edison.", "How the father of the Edison Electric did not invent? " Authority often only a son can not stand the test of the shell, especially in this modern era of diversity and openness. 来自【英语小故事】

希望采纳

5.英语笑话简短一点的加中文

The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September."George,how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her,Mother,because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too." 新老师 9月1日，乔治放学回到家里."乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问."妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6，可后来又说2加4也得6." Excuse for Speeding Excuse for Speeding Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road.A police car pulled them over.〃Why on earth were you driving so fast？〃 the policeman yelled.〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident！〃 超速的理由 哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们.“你们为什么开那么快？”警官喊道.“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地.” A:What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?B:A monkey can have fleas,but a flea can't have monkeys.A：猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？B：猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.A:Which is the strongest creature in the world?B:The snail.It carries its house on its back.A：世界上最强壮的动物是什么？B：蜗牛.因为它可以把自己的房子放在背上.A:How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?B:Keep him awake.A：怎样才能不让梦游者梦游呢？B：不让他睡觉.He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody.What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人.-- 他真是一个大人物.干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人.Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元.在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假.这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票.这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的.” my little dog can't read Mrs.Brown:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!Mrs.Smith:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!Mrs.Brown:It's no use,my little dog can't read.我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字.” Bring me the winner -- Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.-- I'm sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.-- Well,bring me the winner then.给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪.-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了.-- 哦，那给我那个打赢的吧.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads,see how the farms looked,and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.The city man saw a farmer in his yard,holding a pig up in his hands,and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples,but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig？" 一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子.这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果.城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗？"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义？" Two birls Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?Student:I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher:Please tell us.Student:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟 老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案.老师：请说说看.学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子.。

6.急需一则简短的英语笑话,简明易懂的

I don't even know that woman 我又不认识那个女人

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman siting on a bench, passionately kissing.

"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.

"Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!"

中文：

一对在公园散步的夫妇注意到坐在长凳上的那对年轻男女正在热烈地接吻。

“为什么你不能那样做呢？”妻子说。

“亲爱的，”她丈夫回答，“我又不认识那个女人！”

Who do you think you are？ 你以为你是谁？

Who do you think you are?

The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard.

It is too crowded, they shouted. who do you think you are?

I am the driver. he said.

你以为你是谁？

公共汽车上很挤，当又一个人还是试图上车时，乘客们不让他上。

车上太挤了，他们喊道，你以为你是谁？

我是司机！他说。

A note:

aboard: adv.在船（飞机、车）上， 上船（飞机、车）prep.在（船、飞机、车）上， 上（船、飞机、车）.

on board：到船上， 在船上

go aboard： 上船 （上飞机等）

All aboard！ 请上船[飞机、车]，都上来！

我从英语笑话网里找的，不满意的话，你可以进去看看，多的要死

7.要一个非常简单的英语小笑话

JOKE 1

Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.

Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily

JOKE 2

A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?

The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!

JOKE 3

At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home。 He asks him: what are you doing?

The son replied: Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!!! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life!!!

Father said: Wait!!!!!!!! I am coming with you

8.求一篇简短的英语笑话

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问："主啊， 一百万美元对你意味着多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又问："那一百万年呢？"上帝说："一秒钟."最后男子请求道："上帝，我能得到一便士吗？"上帝回答："过一秒钟." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"！ 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了，他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说："恭喜，你得了双胞胎."男人说："多奇怪呀，我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿，护士过来对第二个男人说："恭喜，你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢："嗯，又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后，护士跑来对第三个男人说："恭喜，你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说："真令人啼笑皆非，我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴，但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁，咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲，他回答道："什么不对劲？我可是在七喜公司工作呀！" 呵呵，一个比一个效率高. Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that's 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It's 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That's a big bridge。

Fill it with water！！！ 拉登，一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说："我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说："我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫，因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇，他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问："精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答："墙厚50英尺，高500英尺，因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说："哇！那是座大桥耶。注满水！！！" My Baby Swallowed a Bullet Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ? Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody." Notes 1. to swallow a bullet： 吞下一颗子弹 2. to point at： 对。

瞄准 allybaby once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next？" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。

接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”。

9.最简单的英语笑话

I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我负责 一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

“快点，小姐！”他喊道：“请把门关上。” “噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”

她回答道。 “请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”

Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday？" 安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊！”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？” A Smugglar The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams. "What's in here?" he asked. "Dirt," the driver replied. "Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them." Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go. A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck. "What's in the bags this time?" he asked. "Dirt, more dirt." said the man. Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil. The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time." Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars." 走私犯 一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时，惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。

“里面装的是什么？”他问道。 “土。”

司机回答。 “把袋子拿出来”，哨兵命令道：“我要检查。”

那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实，口袋里除了土以外，别无他特。

哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。 一周后，那人又来了，哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。

“这次袋子里装的是什么？”他问道。 “土，又运了一些土。”

那人回答。 哨兵不相信，对那些袋子又进行了检查，结果发现，除了土以外，仍旧一无所获。

同样的事情每周重演一次，一共持续了六个月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心丧气，干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。

有天夜里，那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧，下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说，“我说，老兄，你要是能帮我一个忙，今晚的酒就归我请客。

你能不能告诉我，那段时间你到底在走私什么东西？” 那人俯身过来，凑近侍者的耳朵，裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说：“汽车。” Skunk "We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?" "Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open." Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher. "No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there！" 臭 鼬 “我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。

“我们怎样才能把它弄出来？” “弄一些面包屑，”调度员说，“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”

一段时间后，那位居民又将电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗？”调度员问。

“没有，”打电话的人答道，“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。” Patience Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself? Onlooker: I haven't got the patience. 耐 性 垂钓者：你已经盯着看了三个小时了，你干嘛不自己亲自钓呢？ 旁观者：我没那耐性。

Bedtime Prayers Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "。