1.校园双人相声男生,初中,两个人戏份一样,短点,越搞笑越好,但

补考

A：唉，英语不及格，要补考！

B：那怎么办啊？

A：于是我在考试那天潜入教室。

B：偷什么啊？

A：偷什么干嘛，我是去教室，按着我的准考证，找到我那张桌子，在那儿刻字呢。

B：你在桌上刻字！

A：对啊，那都是些蝇头小楷！

B：多亏你有这手艺啊，你毕不了业，你也可以做这手艺啊。但就你那眼神，你看的见吗？

A：放心吧，不过我把所有可能要用的单词都刻上去了，远处一看，呵，怎铺一黑被单！

B：墨水使忒多了。

A：对啊，我一坐那儿，我想，这回英语总会及格了！

B：终于可以毕业了！

A：对啊，到了考试时间，一看，咦，咋没一个认识的。

B：那是啊，补考嘛，来自什么学校的都有。

A：恩，监考老师来了，试卷一发，啊？怎么是考日语啊！

B：老师走错教室了吧。

A：不知道啊，于是我叫“老师，怎么是考日语？”

B：老师怎么说？

A：老师按着我的准考证说“这儿是1教206，你考英语的在3教206嘛。”

B：啊，那怎么办？你现在去也得考的起啊。

A：对啊，怎办？

B：没关系，就算毕不了业，你也可以去刻戳子赚钱啊。

A：不行，我要这样

B：怎样？

A：明知山有虎！

B：哇。

A：偏向虎山行！

B：好。

A：心中有红日，脚下如东风。不就英语考试嘛，3教206，我来了！

B：好样的！

A：我扛着桌子去的。

B：你就缺德吧！

（完）

我这全是手打的，很累，你一定要追加我的分！谢谢。

2.谁有简短的,容易的英语相声

一、Little Red Riding Hood 第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家 Mum： （妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里） Little Red Riding Hood：（唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing? Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma. Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok! Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful. Little Red Riding Hood: Yes ,mummy.Goodbye, mummy. Mum: Bye-bye. Darling. 第二场：在路上 （一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁） Little Red Riding Hood: Wow!Flowers, how beautiful！ （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers. Wolf:(wolf大步地走上台)I am wolf. I am hungry. （做找东西状，东张西望） Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going？ （做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼） Little Red Riding Hood：（手摸辫子，天真地回答）To Grandma's.Grandma is ill. Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks. Little Red Riding Hood：（和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞） Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后） Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks,how are you? Six Ducks:We' re fine.Thank you. Where are you going? Little Red Riding Hood:To Grandma's.Oh, I must go, bye. Six Ducks:Goodbye. 第三场：Grandma家 Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）

Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. （做找寻的样子）Where is Grandma' s house？ （高兴地对观众说）Aha , it's here.（敲门）Bang, Bang, Bang. Grandma: Who is it? Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It's me. Little Red Riding Hood. Grandma： （边说边起床） Come in, come in. Wolf：（得意洋洋地走到床边） Grandma , I'll eat you. Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上） 灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。 Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy!I'll sleep. Little Red Riding Hood：（高兴地敲门）Grandma.Grandma. Wolf：（装扮成Grandma的声音） Who is it? Little Red Riding Hood:It's me。

Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise! Wolf:Come in, Come in. Little Red Riding Hood：（蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步）Oh! What are big ears! Wolf:I can listen to your sweet voice. Little Red Riding Hood:Wow! What a big eyes! Wolf:I can see you pretty face. Little Red Riding Hood:Oh! What a big hand. Wolf:I can hug you. Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands? Wolf：（从床上跳起来说）I can eat you! Little Red Riding Hood：（拼命地跑）Oh!No! No! Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It's delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping. Hunter： （一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场）Where's the wolf? Look! A door.（推门）The wolf is sleeping. Wolf：（发出呼呼的响声） Hunter： （端起枪想打，又放下）What a big stomach！ （摸摸Wolf的肚子）Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry.（从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起） Look! Scissors. （做剪Wolf的肚子）Cut, cut, cut. Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma:Thank you. Hunter: Grandma ,give me some needles and thread. Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones. Grandma： （从桌子上拿来针线） Little Red Riding Hood：（搬来几个石头）One, two, three. Hunter： （把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里） Grandma: I'll thread it. Hunter： （拿起枪）Woke up! Wolf：（起床，两手托着大肚子）My stomach is so heavy. Hunter: You big bad wolf, raise your arms! Wolf：（边跑边说） Help! Don't shot me! Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang! Wolf： （应声倒下） Hunter: The bad wolf is dead. Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma:Yeah! Thank you. 二、T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear （ 狐假虎威） Tiger: I'm a great tiger. I'm very strong. I'm very brave. I'm the king of the forest.But now I'm very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I'll die immediately. Oh, there's nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly) Fox: I'm a fox. You can see, I'm pretty and lovely. I'm good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is! Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal. Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister!。

3.英语对话短文两人简单

原创 A: hey what's up man？ 嗨，你好吗，哥们儿 B: not much, how ya doin？ 还不错，你呢 A: I am doing all right, thx，我也还行，谢了 B: you watch the news today？你见天看新闻没啊 A: what news？ 啥新闻 B: are you kidding me? didn't you know that Seahawks have won~ 你Y开玩笑那？你不知道SEATTLE橄榄求赢了吗 A: Ah~~ I don't watch football that much。

哦，我不看橄榄求的 B: what??????? you suck！啥？你真DER A: I mean, I don't like football that much。 I like basketball a lot。

我的意思是，我不喜欢橄榄求，我喜欢篮球 B: oh~all right, have ya seen the new Mercedes-Benz C300 yet~ man, I am telling ya。 Dat car looks HOT! It has sporty look, good shape, and it's a benz! it's only $31,000 (thirty one thousand dollars)。

哦，好吧，你见过新奔驰C300吗？我告诉你啊，那车真牛B，看起来很运动型，然后形状也不错，然后还是奔驰，才31千美金。 A: I personally don't like Benz, cuz I think it's for adults。

I'd rather buy a BMW 3-series with that money。我其实不喜欢奔驰的，因为我觉得那是给大人开的，我会用那钱买个BMW3系列 B: Sigh, what a nerd~ haha I am just kidding。

So how is going with your girlfriend。咳~真白痴，哈哈，开玩笑的啦。

你跟你老婆怎么样啦。 A:weareallright, wasfun~Igotdrunkinthehotelandpukealloverthefloor。

我们都很好啊，前几天去华盛顿洲东边，去了3天，很好玩，我在旅店里喝醉了，吐了1地B: haha, you bastard! k, I gota go, talk to you later man~哈哈你个禽兽！好啦，我得闪了，以后跟你侃88 A: k, take it easy, man！恩，88。

4.初一英语小品,简单

w.bush: doctor, what is wrong with my brain?

doctor: your brain is perfectly ok.

w.bush: how come?

doctor: you are the same as everybody else, having right brain and life brain.

w.bush: and?

doctor: but yours is even far bether than all the others.

w.bush: oh?

doctor: yes, sir, everybody's brain is not seperated so perfect. but yours is an exception.

w.bush: tell me how could it be an exception, not because I am the head of USA. I hope.

doctor: sir, your brain is really seperated completely, there is nothing right in your left brain, and there is nothing left in your right brain.

是个笑话。。说布什的。

5.简短的双人相声台词

乙：今天我们来给大家说段相声。

甲：哎，说段相声。（无精神） 乙：这相声是有关交通安全的。

甲：好，交通安全。（无精神） 乙：我说今天你怎么无精打采的。

甲：甭提了，倒霉呗！ 乙：说来听听. 甲：你说现在走路怎么那么难呢？ 乙：怎么说？ 甲：前两天我来上学。

我是亲自走路来上学的这你知道吧？ 乙：这听着都新鲜，你要不亲自，你还准备怎么着啊！ 甲：我的意思是我是走着来上学的。 乙：哦你说步行不得了。

甲：我一出小区门就上了大马路了。

乙：等等，你怎么不走人行道呢？ 甲：我得过马路啊。 乙：哦，你们小区门口就是横道线？ 甲：没有。

乙：那是不设横道线的小马路。 甲：也不是，双向六车道的大马路。

乙：那你这可是乱穿马路啊！你得走人行横道线。 甲：走人行横道不得绕点路吗，那样太费鞋。

乙：瞧把他懒的 甲：我一上马路那就热闹了 乙：嗯 甲：那马路上啊是车水马龙，我过不去啊 乙：早高峰嘛 甲：嘿！把我给急的，就差掏出饭勺挖地道了！ 乙：吓，还是个急脾气！ 甲：还行，不远处来了个小家伙，我一看机会来了。 乙：小家伙？ 甲：不大，也就十几米长，几十吨重吧，看着挺可爱，学名叫公交车。

乙：这还小？ 甲：它速度慢啊！一摇一摆一摇一摆的就过来了（做乌龟爬状） 乙：有那样的公交车吗？ 甲：我也没闲着，冲吧？我屏气凝神，气沉丹田，清气上升，浊气下降，二气缤纷，劲灌脚底，一个箭步，冲出去了。 乙：瞧这劲废得 甲：再一个箭步，噌。

乙：过去了， 甲：坐地上了。 乙：怎么坐地上了？ 甲：那公交车嘎一个急刹车，在我跟前半米停住了，把我吓的腿一软，扑嗵，坐地上了 乙：多危险哪！ 甲：危险？那是公交车万幸没撞着我， 乙：要是撞着了呢？ 甲：他要敢撞我，我就敢骂他！ 乙：就这出息 甲：那公交车司机也可恶，还下来问：“小朋友，没事吧？你怎么乱穿马路呀！多危险啊！” 乙：是啊！ 甲：我心里那个气啊，心里想：你要不刹车，能吓倒我吗 乙：人家不刹车那就轧着你了 甲：轧我？不怕！你压得到我的肉体，压不倒我的灵魂 乙：你是够混的 甲：旁边来了一辆出租，司机一开门，小朋友，去哪儿，我送你 乙：碰上热心人了 甲：我这气还没消呢，冲着那人一龇牙（微笑）：我知道，可我就不告诉你，你猜？ 乙：人家犯的着猜吗 甲：他虚心请教我去哪儿？我总得应付一下吧！ 乙：什么乱七八糟的 甲：哎，那谁，劳驾扶我一把，让我先站起来， 乙：还坐着呢。

甲：好不容易过了马路，现在安全了吧？我就把我那本书拿出来了 乙：还挺好学 甲：真是本好书啊！封面上四个大字。

乙：唐诗选缉 甲：火影忍者 乙：哦，动漫书啊 甲：我一面走啊一面看 乙：那也危险 甲：没事，在家看被老妈发现了更危险 乙：偷着看啊。 甲：这一章特精彩，佐助和鸣人打起来了，那打的是天昏地暗，日月变色。

佐助刚要用雷切呢，嘭一声那雷切就打我头上了！ 乙：打偏了？ 甲：我撞电线竿上。 乙：该 甲：在那一刻我是深切的体会到了民以食为天啊 乙：怎么说 甲：我早饭就少吃了半个烧饼，就把我饿的这满眼的金星啊！ 乙：你那是饿的吗？那是撞的 甲：把我疼的啊，（唱）（花儿乐队蝴蝶飞调）眼泪飞~~~~~~ 乙：这下可真是撞惨了，我说您下回可真得注意交通安全了，否则出了大事就来不及了 甲：谁说不是呢！那天晚上回家电视上也报道了一起车祸，一个中学生乱穿马路，被车撞了 乙：是吗 甲：现场那个惨不忍睹啊一地的书，还有鞋。

还有个人这么趴着（背过身做S状） 乙：您就别学了，是够惨的。 甲：看得我一咬牙一跺脚， 乙：准备好好遵守交通规则了 甲：换台了。

乙：去你的吧。

6.急

什么叫双人演讲啊？

是跟相声似的，一人一句么？

I have a dream

I have a dream.I want to have a good life.

I will have a harmonious family.I can always talk to my parents about my happiness and sadness.They will appreciate and encourage each other regularly.We should also have more and more family time.The more we have time together,the more benefits we will get and the more harmonious our family will be.So having a harmonious family is the essential of good life.

Having good teachers is very important.They teach me knowledge.They guide me during my study time.They tell me how to be a real person.My teachers light my road to the future.

Making many good friends brings a lot of benifits to me.As the old saying goes,a friend in need is a friend indeed.Good friends can share their happiness with me.Good friends can listen to my distress carefully.Good friends can help me whenever I need them.Making all kinds of good friends gives me a good life.

My good life seems like a house.A harmonious family is the foundation of the house.My teachers are the structure of the house.Many good friends is the roof of the house.With a harmonious family,good teachers and many friends, my dream will come true definitely!

原创~

就算不好也给个评价~~谢谢！！

7.急需英语两人短小小品剧本（2到3分钟的）最好反映校园生活的,五年

BOSSY: Whiskey! Give me whiskey! DAISY: No more whiskey. You've drunk too much. Now go to bed to have a rest. BOSSY: Just wine is enough… OK! If you don't take it, I'll get it myself! DAISY: No way! You mustn't do that. BOSSY: You old witch! DAISY (cry):Help! NOISY: Shall we go to the park? LAZY: Good idea! CRAZY: That sounds really good. But you see, we are not sure if your father will let us go out, so you'd better ask him first. LAZY: Yes, you're right. Let's go to ask him. LAZY: Daddy? BOSSY：……… LAZY: You look so handsome today… LAZY： …and very kind. And I think if you let us go to the park. You'll be the best father in the world. BOSSY: Really? OK. Go ahead. DAISY: Stop！…Both of you can go, no problem, but Noisy must stay here. NOISY: Well. I just want to go with them and then do my housework. DAISY: Yes, you mustn't go anywhere until all the work is finishes. LAZY: But I want her to go with me! You see, if I go there without her, then I won't enjoy myself! CRAZY: Why? That sounds really strange! You said you cannot leave her, why is that? She is only a maid! LAZY: Shut up! You don't understand at all. She is, she is my GF! CRAZY: What! I… BOSSY: You are only ten! How can you have two GF? Yes, when you declared that Crazy is yours, I have no attitude —— That is because her family is a rich one—— DAISY: Then we saw you buy chocolate for her, take her to the cinema. BOSSY: And I've already fed up.You had been fired. This is the wage for today, now go to take your package and go away. NOISY:……Peacock flies to southeast. And there is a wander once five miles. LAZY: You cannot do that Dad! You cannot… CRAZY: Shut up! BOSSY: Go, can't you hear? Go to the devil! LAZY: OK, Dad, if you determined to drive Noisy away, I'll go with her. Don't be afraid. Let's go together. DAISY: Oh dear, what shall we do then? BOSSY: Whiskey! Give me whiskey！ 没有。