1.英语小笑话,要短一点,谢了

Barbers Barber:Did you have ketchup with your lunch,sir? Customer:No,I didn't。

Barber:In that case,I seem to have slipped with the razor。 理发师 理发师：先生，你吃中午饭时有没有加番茄酱？ 客人：没有啊。

理发师：那样的话，看来是我的剃刀滑掉了。 Worse than That "Professor,I did the best I could on this test。

I really don't think I deserve a zero。" "Neither do I。

But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give。" 更糟 "教授，这次考试我尽了全力，我真的不认为我该得零分。

" "我也不认为。可是那是我所能给的最底分了。

" Be Responsible Employer:In this job we need someone who is responsible。 Applicant:I'm the one you want。

On my last job,every time anything went wrong,they said I was reponsible。 负责任 雇主：我们需要一位负责任的人来做这份工作。

应征者：我就是你要的人。我在上一份工作时，每次只要出问题，大家都说我得负责任。

2.简单英语笑话带翻译

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”

“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。

过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。

你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

3.2分钟简单的英语小笑话

Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too？" 狗也知道这个谚语吗？ 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”。

4.简单的英语小笑话（带翻译）

1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。

" DID YOUR DAD。 2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道："我受不了你这个苯蛋了！" 吉姆说："你妈妈能！" 附：bear 有两重意思："生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)！" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道："我受不了你这个苯蛋了！" 吉姆说："你妈妈能！" 附：bear 有两重意思："生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问："主啊， 一百万美元对你意味着多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又问："那一百万年呢？"上帝说："一秒钟."最后男子请求道："上帝，我能得到一便士吗？"上帝回答："过一秒钟." 5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。

汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”

6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing！ 开车 父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。 苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。

7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “You'er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”

他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。

可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I'd know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。

他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”

9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

5.英语短笑话

一）小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet？ 老师说：Go ahead。

小明就坐了下来。 过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet？ 老师说：Go ahead。

小明又坐了下来。 他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！ （二）一对热恋中的男女。

女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“ SAY I LOVEYOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT！” 男的答道：“I T！” （三）一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。 在考试时因为过于紧张， 看到地上标线是向左转。

他不放心的问道：turn left？ 监考官回答：right。于是他立刻向右转…… （四）某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。

一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry。 老外应道：I am sorry too。

某人听后又道：I am sorry three。 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for？ 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five。

6.简短的英语小笑话

A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

A German robber was taken to the court. Judge:Can you speak English? Robber:A little. Judge:What can you speak? Robber:Give me all your money？ 一个德国抢劫犯被带到法庭。 法官：你会讲英语吗？ 抢劫犯：会一点儿。

法官：你会讲什么？ 抢劫犯：把你的钱统统交出来！ Much Worse 那就更糟了 Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse. 警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？ 男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

7.简单的英语笑话

we two who and who?

咱俩谁跟谁阿

you don't bird me,I don't bird you

你不鸟我，我也不鸟你

you me you me

彼此彼此

know is know noknow is noknow

知之为知之，不知为不知…

.American Chinese not enough

美中不足

.go past no mistake past

走过路过，不要错过

小明：I am sorry!

老外：I am sorry too!

小明：I am sorry three!

老外：What are you sorry for?

小明：I am sorry five!

I call Li old big. toyear 25.

我叫李老大，今年25。

.you have two down son。

你有两下子。

8.简短唯美的英语句子

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

纵然伤心，也不要愁眉不展，因为你不知是谁会爱上你的笑容。

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

没有人值得你流泪，值得让你这么做的人不会让你哭泣。

Never frown, even when you are sad,

because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

纵然伤心，也不要愁眉不展，因为你不知是谁会爱上你的笑容。

The sandflass remembers the time we lost

沙漏记得`我们遗忘的时光