1.急求两人英语相声最好在5分钟左右

Little Red Riding Hood 第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家 Mum： （妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里） Little Red Riding Hood：（唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing? Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill。

Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma。 Take them to Grandma。

Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok! Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good。 Be careful。

Little Red Riding Hood: Yes ,mummy。Goodbye, mummy。

Mum: Bye-bye。 Darling。

第二场：在路上 （一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁） Little Red Riding Hood: Wow!Flowers, how beautiful！ （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers。 Wolf:(wolf大步地走上台)I am wolf。

I am hungry。 （做找东西状，东张西望） Here is a little red riding hood。

Hi! Little Red Riding Hood。 Where are you going？ （做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼） Little Red Riding Hood：（手摸辫子，天真地回答）To Grandma's。

Grandma is ill。 Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma。

But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks。 Little Red Riding Hood：（和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞） Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后） Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks,how are you? Six Ducks:We' re fine。

Thank you。 Where are you going? Little Red Riding Hood:To Grandma's。

Oh, I must go, bye。 Six Ducks:Goodbye。

第三场：Grandma家 Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。） Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now。

（做找寻的样子）Where is Grandma' s house？ （高兴地对观众说）Aha , it's here。（敲门）Bang, Bang, Bang。

Grandma: Who is it? Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It's me。 Little Red Riding Hood。

Grandma： （边说边起床） Come in, come in。 Wolf：（得意洋洋地走到床边） Grandma , I'll eat you。

Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上） 灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。 Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy!I'll sleep。

Little Red Riding Hood：（高兴地敲门）Grandma。Grandma。

Wolf：（装扮成Grandma的声音） Who is it? Little Red Riding Hood:It's me。 Little Red Riding Hood。

What a strange noise! Wolf:Come in, Come in。 Little Red Riding Hood：（蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步）Oh! What are big ears! Wolf:I can listen to your sweet voice。

Little Red Riding Hood:Wow! What a big eyes! Wolf:I can see you pretty face。 Little Red Riding Hood:Oh! What a big hand。

Wolf:I can hug you。 Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands? Wolf：（从床上跳起来说）I can eat you! Little Red Riding Hood：（拼命地跑）Oh!No! No! Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It's delicious。

I still sleep。 I like sleeping。

Hunter： （一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场）Where's the wolf? Look! A door。（推门）The wolf is sleeping。

Wolf：（发出呼呼的响声） Hunter： （端起枪想打，又放下）What a big stomach！ （摸摸Wolf的肚子）Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside 。 I must be hurry。

（从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起） Look! Scissors。 （做剪Wolf的肚子）Cut, cut, cut。

Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma:Thank you。 Hunter: Grandma ,give me some needles and thread。

Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones。 Grandma： （从桌子上拿来针线） Little Red Riding Hood：（搬来几个石头）One, two, three。

Hunter： （把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里） Grandma: I'll thread it。 Hunter： （拿起枪）Woke up! Wolf：（起床，两手托着大肚子）My stomach is so heavy。

Hunter: You big bad wolf, raise your arms! Wolf：（边跑边说） Help! Don't shot me! Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang! Wolf： （应声倒下） Hunter: The bad wolf is dead。 Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma:Yeah! Thank you。

2.英语小品台词（要短,要简单小学水平的）

When painting a snake feet added to the snake. Analogy superfluous things done, not only useless, but inappropriate. Fictional metaphor also the fact that something out of nothing. Tim feet to the snake that individuals, precisely because of the extra things to do before they lost to the mouth of the wine. This shows that to do anything that should be realistic, do not do those extra things.

There is a nobility of ancient Chu, festival after ancestors had to come to a pot of祭酒赏给help门客.门客discuss each other said: "This壶酒we all drink is not enough to drink is more than one person. Let our respective matches on the floor painting a snake, who painted, and will drink it壶酒." There is a person who one of the first snake painting it. Bao drink flagon he is, but triumphantly flagon with his left hand, right hand and continue to draw a snake, said: "I can give it added a few feet then!" But he did not画完feet, and the other who has become a snake painting. The man robbed the pot past, said: "The snake was not the foot, how can you give it does Tim feet!" Put out of pots of wine down. Tim foot snake that to people who eventually lost to the mouth that壶酒.

3.英语4人小品剧本（带旁白） 越短越好

4人英语话剧剧本It's a Small World CastKobe: K; play presenterAllen: Ab (boy)Johnson: JBZ: BArthur: Ag (Girl) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene IK: There was a lovely village in the countryside. Allen, Johnson, Bz, and Arthur are good friends. Here, they are creating the most beautiful memories.B: Hey! Look! A shooting star!Ag: Where?B: Here! (Take out a big special ring!)Ag: So, what is this for?B: Will you marry me?Ab: Sure, honey!(Ag takes out a hammer and hits Ab.)Ab: Ouch! OK! I'll be quiet.J: Hey, guys! What are you talking about?Ab: They are talking about their future. (Point at Ag and B.)J: Their future?Ag: No! Our futures. I'm gonna be a worldwide famous writer.Ab: I'm gonna be the greatest singer. And I'm worried that there will be too many girls hanging around and crazy for me!(J, B, Ag pretend to be disgusted.)J: As far as I am concerned, becoming the most successful businessman is my life goal.Ag: What about you, BZ?Ab: To marry her, right? (Ab hits B gently.)Ag: Come on! Be serious. Let him tell us.B: I want to stay here and be a farmer.Ag: All right! We're only ten now. Who knows what will actually happen in the next ten or twenty years?J: Whatever our dreams are, no matter where we are, twenty years from now, we'll all come here having a reunion.Ab: And don't forget, we are…K: Wait for me!。

All: Friends forever! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene II转自： K: Twenty years later, at Johnson Rich's company.(Phone rings.)Secretary A: Hello! This is Rich telephone company. May I help you? OK! OK! bye-bye!Secretary B: (Knock, Knock, Knock!) Mr. Rich, may I come in?J: Come in!Secretary B: (With a flirting look) Mr. Rich, Can I invite you to dinner tonight?(Secretary A cuts in between the two of them.)Secretary A: Hey! Young lady! You may be young and beautiful, but I've been working here much longer than you. I really don't mind you inviting Mr. Rich to dinner, if you don't want to work here anymore!J: Yo, ladies. Nothing but business, O.K.? Now, go back to your work!Secretary A: Sir!J: Now what?Secretary A: This is the ad for the new cell phone design, and the main idea is "It's a small world!"J: Good job! Look, my cell phones make the world smaller. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene III(At Arthur's new book press conference)Reporter A: Congratulations, Arthur. We know that you are the winner of the Pulitzer Prize.Reporter B: Why did you want to write this book?Ag: Well, I always believe that touching words can comfort people. Many people in the world live a difficult life. With words, we can tell them that they're not alone wherever they are.Reporter C: Why did you name the book "It's a small world "?Ag: It's said that “the pen is mightier than the sword.” Through words, we can express our love, thoughts, and feelings to our friends. The power of words shortens the distance among people and makes the world smaller, right? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene IV转自： (At Allen Baker's concert…Allen's fans are crazy for him and screaming everywhere.)Host: Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome our super star, Mr. Anderson!!(Fans scream like crazy.)Ab: (Singing) It can happen to anyone of us, anyone you think of. Anyone can fall. Anyone can hurt someone they love. Hearts will break. Cause I made a stupid mistake…（A fan shakes hands with Allen, and then passes out and is taken away.）Ab: Thank you! Maybe you don't understand the language I speak. Maybe we have different blood in our bodies. But I really hope that I can deliver something to you all and make you understand what I try to express. And I really really hope the music can shorten the distance between us and make the world smaller. Thank you! I love you all !! (Two crazy fans run to Allen and hold him tight. The guards drag them away.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene V(At Bz Farmer's Big Tomato Award Ceremony…)Host: Now! I'm honored to announce the first prize winner of the super award. Let's welcome Farmer of the year, Mr. BZ !(BZ runs up to the stage with a surprised look, and his fans cheer for him.)B: My goodness! I can't believe it! Thank you, my tomato fans! (Waving to them with the trophy.) I love my hometown. I grow crops not only for the people living here, butalso for the people all over the world who are suffering from hunger and poverty. My childhood friends have all been very successful in different fields to make the world a better place to live in. O。

4.相声学外语台词

学外语 马三立 赵佩茹

马：听说您的学问不小啊？

赵：嗨，也没什么学问。

马：客气、客气，在相声演员当中，赵佩如，算是学问最大的了。

赵：不能那么说，也有好多方面不如人家。

马：您这是谦虚，当然您也有不足的地方。

赵：对、对、对，我有什么不足您可以给我指出来。

马：也不算什么大毛病，看您愿不愿意改了。

赵：您可以说嘛。

马：您呐——不会说外国话。

赵：这还真是个问题。

马：哪儿有相声演员不会说外国话的？

赵：可您说我想学吧，跟谁学呢？

马：找我呀。

赵：噢，您。会外国话？

马：嘿，你今儿算遇见高人了。

赵：您都会哪国话？

马：我都不知道我会多少种，太多了——英国话、法国话、德国话、俄国话、日本话、意国话。。我都说不上来我会多少种。

赵：那您可以教教我呀。

马：在哪儿？在这儿教？不行，你把这玩意儿看的太易了，哦随便一教就能学会？我跟你说就算你基础好，最少也得半年。

赵：那当然了，您说我要是在这儿想一下子学会多少那是不可能的，我是说我在这儿跟您学两句，您看看我发音怎么样，要是发音对，能行，您再教我难的，我定时就找您去，要是您看我这发音压根儿就不行，咱甭耽误那工夫，您看怎么样？

马：哎——这对，这外国话主要就是看发音，你要是字对了音不对全白费。外国人跟咱们说话发音不一样——外国人说话用喉音，咱们中国人说话用丹田音。我先教给你发音。

赵：那太好了。

马：你打算学哪国话？

赵：我先学英国话。

马：英国话啊，我教给你英格兰的正音。你是打算学对话呀、还是学单句？

赵：我不懂什么叫对话、什么叫单句？

马：对话么就是平时说话、日常用语，单句么就是单个的词儿，桌子怎么说？请坐怎么说？

赵：那我学单句。

马：行！哪国话？英国话？好嘞！你问吧。等会儿，我再跟你说说——按规矩问，想学不想学？

赵：想啊。

马：想学就按规矩问，别胡问。

赵：那我不懂什么叫规矩呀？我也没学过外国话，比如说我问这句，您说了不行啊，这句不在规矩啊。那怎么办啊？

马：按规矩问呐——外国人有这种东西、有这么句话，你可以问，人外国人根本没这么句话，你问我，你成心找别扭，你拐弯抹角想把我问住，那你为难我——吃的开，怎么说？不觉闷，怎么说？人外国人没这么句话；还有这。爆肚儿，怎么说？兜兜，怎么说？屁股帘儿。人外国人根本没这个东西。

赵：我要这么问我是胡来了，人外国根本没有的我问，让您现翻译也麻烦，只要外国有的我就可以问对吧？

马：对！你比如说桌子、请坐，这我就可以告诉你呀。

赵：你干吗偏就让我问这桌子、请坐呀？我问你帽子怎么说？

马：别胡问、别胡问，按规矩问。

赵：帽子这怎么不规矩了？

马：不行不行，胡来这不行。

赵：他不会了他告我胡来——人外国人不戴帽子吗？外国人出门都光着脑袋？

马：我说我不会了么？帽子这没法说，帽子多了——礼帽？毡帽？草帽？

赵：我不管什么毡帽、礼帽，就说帽子，英国话怎么说？

马：帽子啊——听好了，教你英格兰的正音，帽。。哎，我拜托各位啊，我可不知道在坐的哪位懂英语啊，我说出这句话来，不管是对、还是不对，拜托各位，千万——别管。

赵：你叫人家别管这象话吗？

马：就算我拜托各位啊。帽子啊——帽。帽。帽帽。

赵：帽帽？

马：你就听这音，就听这发音。记住了吗？

赵：记住了。

马：先别出去说去，你刚学呀千万别出去跟人家说去，你就会这么一句，你出去跟人一说，人家回头问你一句别的你不会了，记住了啊！

赵：行、行、行！那么穿的那个袜子是？

马：袜袜。

赵：袜袜。那吃的那包子呢？

马：包包。

赵：哦——那吃饺子叫饺饺吧！

马：哎？行啊，外国话你有点儿啊！

赵：我有什么呀我有，我就有这个呀，这是外国话吗？这是小孩刚会说话——我要戴帽帽、我要穿袜袜、我要吃包包。

马：可千万别出去说去！

赵：我跟谁说去？！——我四十多了我出去跟人说：“我要吃饺饺！”

5.相声学外语台词

口语学习的提高就是坚持每天多说英语，可以利用.好.下班时间在线学习的，建议可以去ABC天卞口语，我在里面学习了一段时间 里面的老师要求比较严 教学方法独特 在口语口译方面可以得到突飞猛进的效果。

校园小品剧本：搞笑幽默相声小品短剧本台词校园小品人物：团支书，小艾，小玲，小场景：教室团支书：同学们，同窗们，同志们，同胞们，同。

同。

同什么们！请大家听我说一句！三人：说吧。团支书：你们听不听啊？三人：听着呢！团支书：真的听？三人：真的！团支书：确定？三人：确定。

团支书：不反悔？三人：不反悔。团支书：你们是认真的？没骗我？三人：你说不说啊？团支书：噢，我开始说了！----我要说什么来的？三人晕倒。

团支书：啊！！！！对了！三人坐起。团支书：我真的忘了我要说什么！三人又晕倒。

团支书：好了，言归传正，你们再不能醉死梦生了！你们一定要自强不息，自告奋勇，自，自，自。

好好改过，抵制日货！小玲：这都什么乱七八糟的！团支书：小玲！你为什么上课要睡觉？小玲：我困故我睡！团支书：你为什么不在宿舍睡？小玲：我也想啊！可老师不让走！团支书：你就不能下课睡？小玲：我下课了也睡！团支书：那你晚上做什么？小玲：你晚上做什么？团支书：睡觉啊！小玲：我们这个习性一样！团支书：你除了睡觉还做什么？小玲：很重要的事！----吃饭！团支书：那学习怎么办？小玲：我也想咨询这个问题呢！团支书：同学！请端正态度！为什么一天到晚都睡觉？小玲：是啊！团支书：就不能一晚到天睡吗？小玲晕倒。小艾：哈哈哈！团支书：小艾，你怎么总是玩游戏？小艾：心理需要！团支书：游戏有什么好玩的？课余时间玩玩就算了！最瞧不起你们这些玩游戏的，一点技术含量没有！告诉你老师很生气，后果很严重！小：哈哈，你又挂了！团支书：还有你小！小：有！团支书：看看你一天，除了找女生约会，喝茶散步，这成绩都被你泡进去值得吗？小：是啊！前途无靓啊！---无靓女！团支书：是前途无亮了，――无光亮！同学们，同窗们，同志们，同―――三人：你就直说吧！团支书：同什么们！三人晕倒。

团支书：燃烧我们的青春吧！小玲：没火柴！团支书：努力奋进吧！小艾：没力气！团支书：抛弃你们的坏习惯！小：它不抛弃我！团支书：来来来，我们一起用功吧！三人趴下：唉！团支书：打起神精来，抓紧时间，让我们――――下课铃响。团支书：――――吃饭去！三人：耶！团支书：你们怎么可以这样啊？你们这样对得起，对得起国家，对得起人民，对得起你们老母吗？对得起------我吗？小艾若有所感：妈！团支书：哎！小艾：我便宜！团支书：纯属意外！music！（之类抒情曲）小玲：其实，我也不是那么想睡觉！睡了，只是为了逃避现实！睡了，就看不见讲课的老师，看不见认真的同学，什么也不用想，什么也不用思考！我也想学习，但总觉得，想休息其他三人鼓掌。

小艾：说真的，我也不一定要玩游戏。是因为觉得学的好累，又学不好，只是想借游戏来麻痹自己！越是苦闷，越是玩游戏，游戏中我是王者，给了我暂时的快乐，但是成绩也越差。

成绩越差，又越苦闷！其他三人鼓掌。小：说实在的，我对爱情确实有许多的渴望。

想体会月上柳梢头，人约黄昏后的浪漫，也为了逃避学习而找借口！一旦放松自己，人也懒散了，更不想学习了。三人鼓掌。

团支书：我想我明白你们的心情，你们是走入了心灵的阴影！所以我想拉你们一把！作为团支书，帮助你们是我的责任！作为同学，我更希望掉队的同学归队！（音乐停！）因为我们来到同一个集体，从那一天起，我们就是一家人了！（音乐《因为我们是一家人》）团支书：好！也许你们一时间无法适应，但我会一直帮助你们，指导你们，引诱你们！三人：啊？团支书：不！引导你们！诱惑你们！三人：哎？团支书：总而之言一句话，大家一起努力吧！三人：fightting！几个人一块努力学习，互相帮助，下。小玲：在团支书的帮助下，我终于明白了三万六千日，夜夜当秉烛！我的成绩，终于出现了（拿出牌子！）优！（唱）我喜欢酸的甜这就是真的我，重修的门从此不再来，多么美好的世界，等待着我去发现！小艾：（夹着书）自从我不再打游戏，轻轻松松过四级，现在我努力学英语，目标：―――第一！（唱）呵呵哈快别再打游戏！呵呵哈快别再打游戏！重修天王的招牌，被我一脚踢开！小：书中自有颜如玉，书中自有。

还是颜如玉！自从有了书的陪伴，我空虚的心灵终于被填满！我挥一挥衣袖，不再接一份重修单！（唱）我要变成童话里努力的那个孩子，不再重修快快乐乐地学习！团支书：同学们，同窗们，同志们，同――――怎么都走光了？同什么们！你们终于成为优秀团员啦！要继续努力，永不放弃啊！三人：谢啦！同什么们！谢幕偷车情缘（校园小品）人物：男偷T，女偷T，男生S，女生S场景：长椅边内容：男偷背包上：天气好，抖精神，拿上家伙跨出门，不靠家，不求人，富裕全都靠个人！你问我是做什么？嘿嘿！（拿出背包里的一大串钥匙）偷车神！女T上：（唱）我爱你，爱着你，就像老鼠爱大米，不管有。

6.有关校园不良行为英语简短幽默小品

[中小学英语剧本]龟兔赛跑 佚名 12-06 [中小学英语剧本]Pull up the turnip 佚名 12-06 [中小学英语剧本]远 离 网 吧Keep Away From the Net 佚名 12-06 [中小学英语剧本]The Ugly Duckling 佚名 12-06 [中小学英语剧本]《白雪公主》英语童话剧 佚名 09-18 [中小学英语剧本]AprilFool'sDay 佚名 04-03 [中小学英语剧本]玛菲女儿《吐蕃来使求娶文成公主》（独幕剧） 小吗啡（… 12-08 [中小学英语剧本]英语短剧：The Tortoise and the Hare（龟兔赛跑） 尚丽娟（… 11-27 [中小学英语剧本]英语短剧：The Fox and the Tiger（狐假虎威） 尚丽娟（… 11-27 [中小学英语剧本]英语童话剧：白雪公主 佚名 11-27 [中小学英语剧本]儿童英语剧本Little Red coat 佚名 11-27 [中小学英语剧本]英语表演剧本--小狮子找食物 佚名 11-27 [中小学英语剧本]英语小品剧本-----小红帽 佚名 11-27 [中小学英语剧本]英文小品The Ants and the Picnic 佚名 11-10 [中小学英语剧本]Jungle Story 张宇 11-10 [中小学英语剧本]The Three Bears 张宇 11-10 [中小学英语剧本]Little Red Riding Hood 张宇 11-10 [中小学英语剧本]Cinderella 张宇 11-10。

7.急需几份英语的小品台词,要简单的（初一水平的）,短一点的,最好

张：话说梁山伯和祝英台三年前一同来到刚刚成立的武汉新东方书院学习英语。

梁山伯酷爱口语师从口语老师邓大付学习美国口语，尤其擅长模仿马丁路德金的演讲。最终祝英台以托福和GRE高分的成绩被哥伦比亚大学录取。

在祝英台临走的那一天，梁山伯十八里相送在天河机场与祝英台缠绵告别。 牟： Yingtai ,I love you so much ！ 吕： I love you, too！撒哟拉拉~~~ 张： 一周以后，祝英台从美国打来越洋电话给梁山伯！ 吕：oh my dear! How are you？ 牟：I"m OK and you？ 吕：hai ke yi! you kown now ,I"m a reporter,I"m very happy！ 牟：Why？ 吕：because Is a very interesting job!oh dear ,I…I havu a boy frend！ 牟：you~you~ 张：祝英台的无端背叛深深伤害了梁山伯脆弱的心灵，他发下毒誓：不杀祝英台誓不为人。

于是重新来到新东方书院学习托福和GRE。当然他没有忘记用秀才证可以优惠20块钱。

为了能飞越重洋去杀掉祝英台，他每天提醒自己有一个梦想。一年之后，梁山伯也来到了美国，四处寻找祝英台的下落。

终于在纽约街头找到他当年的爱人祝英台，而她正和马文才卿卿我我。 牟；But girl , dog boy and girl！！ 吕：山伯 you~~oh This is my boy frend-文才 he"s a policeman he"s very handsome you kown？ 牟：Oh my god I love you ,you kown？ 吕：I~~I~~` 肖：what, you is who? this is my girl frend ,come on 张：说着马文才和梁山伯打起来了，马文才仗着自己是policeman，对梁山伯大大出手，结果把山伯打成了一级残废~~昏迷拉 吕：山伯！``i love you you kown ？ 牟：what ?I love you to 山伯醒了 ，和英台挽手离开了！ 肖：what 英台 英台~~~~ 3.A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation. After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. 'I'd rather not,', the clergyman said, ' I don't want Him to know I'm here.' 一位著名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在回家前吃点东西。

但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。 饭后，一位老人要牧师祈祷。

“我想我是免了，”牧师说。“我不想让主知道我在这里。”

4.Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him? Jack: Certainly. Tom: And why? Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me. 汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？ 杰克：当然应该了。

汤姆：为什么？ 杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。 5. I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded. 'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him. 'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband confessed. 我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的手提式计算机。

机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。

最后他终于想起来了。 “你为什么那么紧张呢？”我问他。

“这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道 6. An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?' 'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.' The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.' 'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.' 'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.' 一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。

她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？” “七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。”

店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。” “还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”

7.Mother: Why are you jumping up and down? Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle. 妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？ 汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了 8.One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.' My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here？' 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？” 9.Mr. Johnson: Are you using you mower this afternoon? Mr.Smith: Yes. Mr.Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you 。

8.求简单英语五人小品剧本,请看清下面的补充要求

搞笑英语微电影剧本《Whose treat》（英语5人搞笑微电影剧本）演员：A—— ，B—— ，C—— ，D—— ，旁白—— 编剧： 摄影： 后期制作： 插曲：场景一《铃儿响叮当》场景二《雪绒花》场景三《泰坦尼克号主题曲》场景四《flash》场景五《never say goodbye》或者《字母歌》道具：一份报纸（最好是英文的），三份试卷（白纸即可），100元，64元找零，布娃娃（场景一：未定空地____5个人都到， 拍摄）旁白：One day ,some yang people want to get takeout as their dinner 一天，几个年轻人想叫外卖吃（直接录旁白，念完时候镜头落在四个人身上）A: let's get takeout ,please？（旁白念完直接开始）B:why not? I like it .（开心，满足）C:It's up to you .（看着A）D:OK,but i have a good idea……（手托下巴，卖关子）A:go on ,please（请求语气）D:we always ”going Dutch “,.it's time to enjoy someone's treat……我们总是AA制，这次找个人请客吧（扫一眼大家，继续卖关子）C: but how should we drag the unfortunate? talk to us,please（请求）D：（笑）OK,OK…….Each of us tell a joke, if not making others laugh, just pay ！我们每人讲一个笑话，如果不能把其他人逗笑，就买单哦。

（得意）A,B,C:good idea！（大家拍手，异口同声）A:Let me tell a joke first .the title is” I'm Glad “.A school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. 我先讲吧，题目是“我很高兴”。一个老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。

现在，她说（切到场景二，到一个教室，或有椅子的地方，把笑话表演出来，， 拍）旁白：Now, she said现在，她说赵雪：children ,has anyone of you ever made someone else glad？你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？王鹏：teacher, I've made someone glad yesterday.昨天我就使别人高兴过。赵雪：Well done. Who was that？做得好，是谁呢？王鹏：My granny.我奶奶。

赵雪：Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.好孩子，现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。王鹏：Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'！是这样的，老师。

我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。

’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！’（切回场景一，BCD哈哈大笑A见状很开心，）A:oh, i got it ！我做到了（很开心）B:yeah,yeah, maybe you just tell your own story .（指着A说完捂嘴笑）A: I……（要解释，被B拦下）B:OK,now ,It's my turn .”a gentle reminder”is the title.Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. 婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。（切换场景三，移至餐厅或有椅子的地方， 拍摄，）B:On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted， 在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：（录旁白形式）双："Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years？"“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？” B:Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said，他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：田："So, you want to switch seats？"“因此，你想交换座位吗？”（切回场景一，ACD哈哈大笑中，）B:so, i got it，（对C）maybe you will like the man in the future （笑）it's your turnC: oh,no ,he is stupid （不屑），my title is “girl,oh little girl”题目是“让人无奈的孩子”When they're together, my five-year-old daughter and her cousin tend to cause mayhem. (['me?hem] )one Saturday, I put my foot down.我五岁的女儿和她的表妹在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。

一个星期六，我开始抗议了。（切至场景四，某空地， 拍摄）： "All right, you two,"No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting." “好啦，你们两个，”我严厉地说，“不许叫喊，不许乱拿，不许哭闹，不许乱敲，不许取笑，不许扯淡，不许弄坏玩具，不许乱抓，不许打架。”

（转身要走），双：“come on ,MengMeng, let's get dirty . "“来， ，我们来把自己弄脏吧。”（切回场景一，ABD哈哈笑）B:OK,we three all did it ,now，（对D）only you leftD:i'm very afraid now,maybe I'll fail it . Let me try .it's “A dollar per point”一分一块钱A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.一天，教授正在给学生们监考。

（切场景五，至 教室， 拍摄）D（旁白形式）：He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。（ 轩演教授， 坐中间， 演学生，考试时， 左顾右盼很着急，交卷子时， 左看看右看看掏出100元夹在卷子里并且写了一句话A dollar per point.）once the test was over the students all handed the tests ba。

9.3人英语短篇话剧剧本5分钟左右

BOSSY: Whiskey! Give me whiskey! DAISY: No more whiskey。

You've drunk too much。 Now go to bed to have a rest。

BOSSY: Just wine is enough… OK! If you don't take it, I'll get it myself! DAISY: No way! You mustn't do that。 BOSSY: You old witch! DAISY (cry):Help! NOISY: Shall we go to the park? LAZY: Good idea! CRAZY: That sounds really good。

But you see, we are not sure if your father will let us go out, so you'd better ask him first。 LAZY: Yes, you're right。

Let's go to ask him。 LAZY: Daddy? BOSSY：……… LAZY: You look so handsome today… LAZY： …and very kind。

And I think if you let us go to the park。 You'll be the best father in the world。

BOSSY: Really? OK。 Go ahead。

DAISY: Stop！…Both of you can go, no problem, but Noisy must stay here。 NOISY: Well。

I just want to go with them and then do my housework。 DAISY: Yes, you mustn't go anywhere until all the work is finishes。

LAZY: But I want her to go with me! You see, if I go there without her, then I won't enjoy myself! CRAZY: Why? That sounds really strange! You said you cannot leave her, why is that? She is only a maid! LAZY: Shut up! You don't understand at all。 She is, she is my GF! CRAZY: What! I… BOSSY: You are only ten! How can you have two GF? Yes, when you declared that Crazy is yours, I have no attitude —— That is because her family is a rich one—— DAISY: Then we saw you buy chocolate for her, take her to the cinema。

BOSSY: And I've already fed up。You had been fired。

This is the wage for today, now go to take your package and go away。 NOISY：……Peacock flies to southeast。

And there is a wander once five miles。 LAZY: You cannot do that Dad! You cannot… CRAZY: Shut up! BOSSY: Go, can't you hear? Go to the devil! LAZY: OK, Dad, if you determined to drive Noisy away, I'll go with her。

Don't be afraid。 Let's go together。

DAISY: Oh dear, what shall we do then? BOSSY: Whiskey! Give me whiskey!。

10.英语相声台词

Characters: Angel: A chief broadcaster. Anny: A primary school girl who had called so much in order to look for her mother. Anny's father Anny's teacher Anny's classmates Divide the stage into two parts. On the left: Children's ward, a chair, some flowers. On the right: A desk, a chair, a lamp, some books. （幕启，舞台左半亮，右半暗） （The phone is ringing） Old woman: Hello! Anny（怯生生地）： Hello, I, I want mum. Is that mum? Old woman: Oh, I'm granny. I'm not mum. Anny: I'm sorry. （电话挂断声，拨号声又起） A young woman: Hello! Anny（怯生生地）： Hello! I want mum. Is that mum? Young woman: Are you joking? I'm not married. （电话继续响，右半舞台亮） Angel: Hello! Anny（鼓起勇气）： I want mum. Is that mum? Angel: Who's that speaking? Anny: I'm Anny, your Anny. Angel: Anny？（充满疑惑）。

（略为思索后，用母亲的声调）Where are you? Anny（仿佛遇见母亲，忍不住哭起来）： Mum，（哭声，欲语泪先流，又猛然惊觉）Mum, mum, I'm not crying. Angel（安慰地，担心地）： You are a nice little girl. Anny: Mum, why don't you come to see me? Dad says you will come back if I am well behaved. Mum, don't you miss me? Angel（慈爱地）： Of course, I do. I do miss you? Anny: Really? Angel: Yes. I miss you so much. Anny: Mummy! Angel: En… Anny: Mummy! Angel: Yes? Anny（笑若银铃） （Angel 慈爱地笑，心略有所安） Anny（突然又哭了）： But mummy, why don't you come back? I'm ill. Angel（关切地）： Anny, where are you? Tell me, where are you? Anny: Mummy, I'm in hospital now. I felt pain, but I didn't cry. Dad says the one who cries is not a good girl. Then you won't come back. Mummy, can you come back to see me? I'm waiting for you with no tears. Angel: Anny, I'm, I'm not… Oh, yes, mummy will come back to see you(Dad推门入，见Anny在打电话，连忙夺过) Dad: I've told you not to call anybody else. （对着电话）Sorry, I'm really sorry. The child has disturbed you. Angel: Never mind. I'm a mother, too. I understand her. May I know the truth? Dad: Eh…， her mum isn't here. So she called and called. Angel: Where's Anny's mother? You divorced? Dad: No, no. I hope she would come back. But… Angel: You don't trust in me? I'm Angel, the chief broadcaster of the hot line. Dad（回头看Anny）: Then, I'll tell you the truth some other day. Angel:All right. （灯暗景换） On the left: Anny's sitting room. On the right: Anny's classroom. （左右同时演绎） Left: Dad: Anny's mum passed away in a tracffic accident six years ago. She told me to hide the truth. This is the letter for Anny. Teacher: Children, in this class. Let's enjoy Anny's composition “A letter to mummy”. (Angel, Anny同时，时空错接，音乐起) Angel: Anny, my dearest baby! Anny: Mummy, my dearest mummy! Angel: When we played hide and seek, I was found easily. Anny: When we played hide and seek, I could found you easily. Angel: But this time, you can't find me. Anny: But this time, I can't find you. Angel: Baby, we have a date. When you are 14, you can find me. Anny: Mummy, we have a date. Dad says when I am 14, I can find you. Angel: Baby, the game lasts so long. I wonder if you have the courage to go on. Anny: Mummy, don't worry. I grow up with your arms around me in my dream. Angel: Anny, if the time is so long, mummy will talk with you when you are looking at our photo. Anny: Mum, the letter you left to me is so long. I read it every night, again and again. Angel: Anny, your birthday present is on the wardrobe. Anny: Mummy, I've known the truth. Every time I take a bus, I can see your dad eyes. Angel: Anny, I'm really worried if you will be so sad after your 14th birthday. Is there anyone to love you all his life? Anny: Mummy, I'll never give up. I believe there is a call to the paradise. I will love Dad. I will love myself. I can fly with my own wings one day. Angel: Anny, my dear. Anny: Mummy, be safe all the way. There are no tears in paradise. 意思：天使：一，行政广播。 anny ：一所小学的女孩谁曾呼吁了这么多，为了寻找她的母亲。

anny的父亲 anny的老师 anny的同学 鸿沟的阶段，分为两部分。 在左边：儿童的病房，一张椅子，一些鲜花。

对以下权利： 1台，一张椅子，一盏灯，一些图书。 （幕启，舞台左半亮，右半暗） （手机铃声） 岁女子：您好！ anny （怯生生地） ：您好，我，我想妈妈。

是妈妈？ 岁女子：哦，我奶奶。我没有妈妈。

anny ：我很抱歉。 （电话挂断声，拨号声又起） 一名年轻女子：您好！ anny （怯生生地） ：您好！我想妈妈。

是妈妈？ 年轻女子：你是在开玩笑？我不结婚。 （电话继续响，右半舞台亮） 天使：您好！ anny （鼓起勇气） ：我想妈。