请采纳我的问题
1、一个女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的订婚戒指,但竟没有一个同学注意到,令她忿忿不平。到下午大家坐着谈天的时候,她突然站起来大声说:“哎呀,这里真热呀,我看我还是把戒指脱下来吧。” 2、女主人把女佣叫到面前问她:“你是否怀孕了?” “是啊!”女佣回道。 “亏你还说得出口,你还没有结婚,难道不觉得害羞吗?”女主人再次训。 “我为什么要害羞,女主人你自己不也怀孕了吗?” “可是我怀的是我丈夫的!”女主人生气地反驳。 “我也是啊!”女佣高兴地附和。 3、一个人骑摩托车喜欢反穿衣服,就是把口子在后面扣上,可以挡风。一天他酒后驾驶, 翻了,一头栽在路旁。警察赶到: 警察甲:好严重的车祸。 警察乙:是啊,脑袋都撞到后面去了。 警察甲:嗯,还有呼吸,我们帮他把头转回来吧。 警察乙:好。..一、二使劲,转回来了。 警察甲:嗯,没有呼吸了。。. 4、在一条七拐八拐的乡村公路上,因为时常发生车祸,所以常常有一些鬼故事发生,有一天晚上,有一个出租车司机看见路边有一个长发披肩,身着白衣的女人向他招手,因为这个司机没有见过鬼,所以大胆的停下来让她上车了,这一路上,司机虽然不信有鬼,心里也毛毛的,所以时常从后视镜看后面的女人,开着开着,突然司机发现那个女人不见了!司机吓了一大跳,赶紧踩了一个刹车!只见那个女人满脸是血,表情狰狞。司机吓的牙直打颤。突然那女人开口了:“你会不会开车啊!我低头系个鞋带你突然一刹车我把鼻子都撞破了……” 5、一个病人去看病,医生检查了他,皱着眉头说:“您病得太严重了,恐怕不会活多久了。” 病人:“求您告诉我我还能活多久?” 医生:“十……” 病人着急地问:“十什么?十年??十个月???十天?????” 医生:“十,九,八,七,六,五……” 6、老师:“你能说一些18世纪科学家共同特点吗?” 学生:“能,他们都死了。” 7、犀粪蜣和蚊子谈恋爱,蜣问蚊子是做什么工作的,蚊子说:“护士,打针的。”蜣一拍大腿:“缘分呐,我是中药局搓药丸的…” 8、一非洲人住在某一宾馆。夜半,起火,不明原因。非洲人见状顾不了那么许多,光着身子就跑出去了。消防员见状惊呼:“我的妈呀!都烧的糊了吧区的了还能跑那么快!” 9、一个人想出国考察,但必须得到老总批准。于是他向老总请示,老总给了他一张字条,上面写着:“Go ahead”。 那人想:“Go ahead=前进,老总是批准了。”于是他开始打点行李。 一个同事见到了他问:“你在做什啊??”他说:“我准备出国考察,老总批准了,给我写了'Go ahead'。” 同事一见条就乐了:“咱们老总根本就没批准!!咱老总的英语水平你还不知道,他这是在说去个头!” 10、牧师对买了他马和马车的农夫说:“这匹马只能听懂教会的语言,叫"感谢上帝"它就跑;叫"赞美上帝"它才停下。”农夫将信将疑,他试着喊了一声感谢上帝,那匹马立刻飞奔起来,越跑越快。一只跑到悬崖边上惊恐的农夫才想起让它停下来的口令“赞美上帝”。果然,马停下来了。死里逃生的农夫长出一口气:“感谢上帝………”
我打了很久,请采纳
A:Hello, I'm Ben. May I ask you some questions?
B:Sure.
A:What is your father's name?
B:Happy!
A:Then, What is your mother's name?
B:Smile!
A:Are you joking?
B:No! That's my sister! I am Kidding. By the way, are you a census
staff?
A:Of course not.
B:Go ahead.
A:OK. Your name is Kidding!
A:Hi,Tony.I'm starting a band.will you join us?
B:Sure,Ben.I'd love to be in a band
A:OK,good.which instrument will you play?
B:I don't play an instrument.I sing.I like music with great lyrics
A:So do I,Tony.Who else can join us?
B:Well,there is Dave.He prefers quiet music
A:Good.How about Harry?He plays the guitar,dose not he?
B:Yes,but Harry loves music that's loud
A:That's OK.We can play loud music and quiet music
B.which music style do you like,Ben?
A.Oh,I like music that I can dance to.But we have one problem for our band
Bwhat is it?
A.I'm not a musician and Ican't sing
A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert.
一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐,就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。
To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocsandices.
为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象,她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。
Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today, honey?"
在大家回来上汽车的时候,她问小萨莉:“亲爱的,你今天玩得好吗?”
"Oh, yes, miss" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
“哦,好极了,小姐,”萨莉说,“除了音乐其他都很好。”
一、
Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard.
顾客:来个热狗。
侍者:很高兴。
顾客:不要,加上芥末。
(注:英语中with pleasure是“很高兴”的意思。这位顾客把pleasure当成调料了。怪不得他说不要pleasure,要芥末呢。)
二、Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you all to answer at once. How much is 6 plus 4?
Student: At once!
老师:全班同学听着,不管我问什么,你们都要马上回答。6+4等于几?
学生:马上。
经典对话一:
男:Can I buy you a drink?(我可以为你买一杯饮料吗?)
女:Actually I'd rather have the money.(不必,我我宁愿留下那些钱。)
经典对话二:
男:Can I have your name?(直译:我能有你的名字吗?)
女:Why? Don't you already have one? (为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?)
经典对话三:
男:I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
女:I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
经典对话四:
男:Is this seat empty?(直译:这个座位是空的吧?)
女:Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的,如果你坐下,我的座位就是空的。)
经典对话五:
男:Haven't I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你?)
女:Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。)
经典对话六:
男:Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?)
女:Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼。)
经典对话七:
男:I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐。)
女:Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)
随便一找就找到了被:
(1)How are you ?(怎么是你)
How old are you ?(怎么老是你)(这句最搞笑)
(2)男:I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸)
女:I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸)
(3)男:I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐)
女:Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师:汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到?
汤姆:我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着:"学校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?
One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim.
你爸爸帮你了吗?
一天,蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业,发现他全做对了。老师很高兴,同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说:"蒂姆,你这次的作业全都做对了,怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?"
"不,先生,我爸爸昨天很忙,我不得不全由自己做了。"
觉得不够可以看一下给出的 参考资料
BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me。
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out
of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.